When Mars Was A Bitch and Priestly Was A Pedophile

He stopped dead in his tracks.

"Excuse me?" He asked. "Are you calling me gay? How dare you!"

He couldn't help but get defensive about this sort of thing; his brother had always told him that there was no fate worse than being gay.

"I never called you gay--did you somehow hear that? I'm sorry, you misheard." He smiled pleasantly as he spoke, despite Mars's rage.

"I merely asked if boys like you. You don't have to be a homosexual to like boys, and you certainly don't have to be a homosexual for boys to like you. It was a simple question.

"If it offends you so much, you should have said something when I asked about girls--I wouldn't have pressed."

He was still obviously pretty upset about it, despite the plain fact that Priestly was right.

"Just...shut up." He grumbled.

"So there's a seventy percent chance the boys are the ones all over you. Got it." He winked, chuckling.

Mars responded by swiftly hitting Priestly on the arm.

"I said to shut up, you stupid homo!" He snapped, extremely angry at the continuing insinuations.

Priestly frowned seriously at him, his joking attitude suddenly gone.

"...Cyprus, what kind of insult is that for a young man of the church? What exactly has the father been teaching you?"

"That's none of your business!" He snapped. "Why does it matter to you, anyway? Everyone knows that homosexuality is wrong, and immoral and most of all, disgusting."

He bit his lip, looking away.

He sighed, shaking his head.

"Perhaps I was wrong--I had assumed you to be wiser. It is God's job to pass judgement on others, not man's. I supposed I will go talk to the father now." He placed his hand in his pockets and walked ahead of Mars.

He let him go inside, and didn't bother following him. Stupid Priestly, he had obviously been wrong about him. He was dumb, and a terrible priest! He sooo hated him now.

Meanwhile, as Mars brooded like Mars are want to do, the Father was inside, stuffing his face full of delicious candy. Being in a priest's body? It was great! He could do whatever he wanted, half the time, he could do it for free. It was so awesome, he loved this life!

Priestly tapped him on the back, smiling gently.

"Wow, father," he said brightly. "You sure are enjoying that candy--want to try something sweeter?" He winked suggestively, chuckling. "That was a pick-up line."

He jumped.

"W-what...oh!" He tried to smile, but he busily wiped his mouth. "Uh, hi...hello."

"Did you hear me, father?" he asked, invading his personal space. "I'm interested in you."

He backed up, against the altar.

"Uhm, can you....not stand like that." He asked nervously. What was wrong with this weirdo, anyway?

"Have sex with me, father," he said, winking. "I mean it."

"Oh my god!" He shouted, horrified. "D-do I look like some sort of gross fag, huh?!?"

GOSH this guy was GROSSS!

"Yes," he purred, grinning. "I want to give you a blowjob, so you should find someplace where we can be alone."

He shuddered, out of pure disgust.

"GROSS! What is your problem, dude?!" He shouted, backing up and ending up toppling over the altar. "OW! Look what you did!!"

He stood back up, holding his bruised head.

Priestly pressed against him, slipping his hands into inappropriate places.

"No, father--I want it now~"

He squealed like a little girl.

"AAAAH!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He screeched.

He pressed the rosary in his palm against the priest's bare flesh, holding onto his arm.

"People rarely escape me, once they've caught my attention, Father," he chuckled softly. "Perhaps you should relax."

"STOP!" He shrieked, horrified. "STOP THAT, IT HURTS, YOU BITCH!!"

God, did it hurt, too. This guy was such an asshole! Jesus, what was his problem? All he had ever done was take a priest's body for a joy ride. No big deal!

"I want you to get out of this nice man," he chuckled. "Go on, leave--I won't hurt you if you do. You're being a nuisance and no one enjoys your presence."

"NO!" He shouted angrily, squirming. "That's not fair! It's not as if I want to be a fucking demon, you asshole! If I jump this ship, I'm just gonna keep coming back until I find someone no one'll miss!"

He pouted, biting his lip.

"Hell fucking sucks, you know that?!"

"I'll send you back unless you go somewhere where you won't bother anyone," he said simply. "Take your pick--I honestly have little pity for you."

"Fine!" He spat. "J-just fucking let GO of me, you asshat!"

He hated leaving this body, but whatever. He'd find a new one.