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Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies

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1 Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:03 pm

OtomePeach

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Jake was eating his breakfast and reading the newspaper like always when he heard it, loud and clear: a car was starting on his driveway. He threw his newspaper on the table and stuck his head out the window.

His mug broke upon impact with the floor, splattering scalding coffee all over the kitchen.

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING CAR!" he screamed, grabbing his keys off the hook and his gun from beside the door and then sprinting outside. Fucking punks and their goddamn new-agey hot-wiring techniques--he'd show them, with some good old-fashioned lead.

He raced down the driveway, screaming and waving his fists like a madman.

"GET OUT OR I'LL FUCKING SHOOT YOUR PUNK HEADS OFF, YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS!"

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

2 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:44 pm

Axton

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"DRIVE, PHANTOM, WHAT THE MOTHERFUCK ARE YOU DOIN'?!" screamed the passenger.

The boy in the drivers seat was still in shock that he had managed to hotwire a police car. He didn't even know how to drive, despite being nearly thirty. Taking a guess, he started frantically hitting pedals until the car backed out of the driveway. Somehow, he managed to get the car speeding down the street.

"WHOOP! PHANTOM, THIS IS MOTHERFUCKIN' AWESOME, I KNEW I LOVED YOU FOR SOMETHIN'!" the female proceeded to give him a long gross tongue kiss, in which he couldn't see what he was doing.

Thus, they crashed into a parked car not far down the road.

"YOU'RE SO FUCKIN' STUPID!" he screamed, hitting him in the shoulder. "LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"

3 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:52 pm

OtomePeach

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Jake screamed like an enraged Tarzan, jumping into his truck and driving after them with his gun still in hand.

"THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" he yelled out the window, waving his rifle. Those kids were going to pay for damaging police property, but more importantly for damaging his property. No one messed with Jake Miller.

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4 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:59 pm

Axton

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Phantom Jester scrambled out of the car, barely managing to get out of the door. He had hit his head, and gashed it up pretty good. The blood made his ridiculous make-up look worse than it already was. He got to his feet, looking back at the car. His girlfriend was already running, and he decided it was best to do the same.

Making his way over a fence, he headed into a nearby forested area, trying to gain as much distance as possible. Though he wasn't unused to running from cops, it still made him uneasy.

5 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 1:09 pm

OtomePeach

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Jake parked his truck on the side of the street and took off running after Jess, still waving his rifle.

"Stop running or I'll kill you!" he screamed, and he meant it; he had been a smoker for most of his life, and even after quitting he wasn't the best runner. Nonetheless, he was hot on Jess's trail through nothing more than his own will. No one messed with his car, dammit.

He scaled the fence, ignoring the twigs and branches and pine cones snapping beneath his boots as he headed for the trees.

"Come out, you little fucker!"

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

6 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 2:28 pm

Axton

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Jess panted, feeling his heart pound in his chest. It hurt, but he knew that being locked up would be much, much worse. He had never once gone to jail, and he never planned on it, either.

He wanted to apologize, but he didn't know what to say. He was out of breath as it was, he wasn't sure apologizing in his condition would even work. He felt terrible, though. It wasn't like he had meant to, or wanted to. His beautiful girlfriend just pressured him into it...

Finally, he saw what he had wanted to see; his trailer park, hidden away in the trees. And then, he tripped over a tree branch and landed face first. He couldn't possibly will himself to get up now.

He was going to get caught.

7 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 2:59 pm

OtomePeach

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Jake caught up with Jess and pinned him down to the ground, pulling a pair of handcuffs out of his shirt pocket. He was off duty today, but he was the type of man who had trouble getting away from his work.

"The fuck did you think you were doing?!" he yelled into the punks ear as he cuffed him. "That was a fucking police vehicle--do you know who you're fucking messing with? I'm gonna lock you up for a long motherfucking time, you faggot-ass punk--and you know what happens in prison? You get raped. You get raped like a faggot by ten guys who trade you back and forth for fucking smokes, you punk!"

He kicked the ground next to Jess's face, then pulled the kid upright.

"You and me are gonna take a nice long trip down to the police office, and you're gonna learn a lesson." He shoved Jess forward, forcing him to walk.

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

8 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 7:52 pm

Axton

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Jess was already crying, though. He had started crying minutes ago, the second Jake had touched him. He sobbed grossly, unable to stop himself. Snot and tears mixed with his makeup, causing an ugly grey and white mix to fall to the ground. It got all over his ugly sweatshirt and his sweatpants, not that it wasn't covered in grey and white smudges anyway.

"I-I, uh, I'm, uh, m-motherfuckin', s-sorry!" he tried to say, but his heavy sobs made it impossible for him to talk.

Jess really was sorry, though. He felt terrible.

9 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 8:23 pm

OtomePeach

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"Tell it to the judge, you little pot smoking, public property destroin', motherfucking little..."

Jake grumbled various insults and threats under his breath. He hadn't gotten to finish his coffee before they had stolen his car.

One truck ride later, he shoved Jess through the front doors of the police station. At best, he was just as angry as he had been chasing the hoodlum through the forest.

"I need someone to book this punk!" he announced, holding onto Jess by his pot-scented sweatshirt.

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

10 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 8:33 pm

Axton

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His make-up had all but melted off at this point, and his scars were beginning to show through the white base. He tried to wipe his eyes, but more tears spilled out. All he had done the entire car ride was sob and apologize profusely.

"Jake, what in tarnation are you bringin' into the police station?" cried someone in a southern accent, far far thicker than anyone else's. His police uniform was barely visible beneath his boots and his chaps and his jacket. He pushed his hat up, so he could get a better look at the kid who was still crying buckets. "What'd he ever do to you, he looks like he's really sorry fer whatever the hell he did."

He patted Jess on the back. "C'mon, let's get someone to book ya so I can talk with Jake here," he pushed Jess onto another officer, giving him a knowing head nod.

"Jake, now, you tell me what the hell you think you're doin', bringin' in this poor kid?" he asked, crossing his arms.

11 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:20 pm

OtomePeach

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"...I don't wanna talk about it," said Jake, crossing his arms. "He did somethin' really fucking bad, let's just say that. Chased him down with my rifle and brought him here--that oughtta teach the little punk right.

"I say we keep him in prison for at least a week. Now get me some goddamn coffee, Gunner, before I snap at you too for being a happy idiot at this time of day."

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

12 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 9:28 pm

Axton

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"Jake, you know darn well how early I have to get up. Lady loves to go on early mornin' rides," he patted him on the back, grinning at him. "Ya know, you should come ridin' with me gain soon. I missed ridin' with you!"

He laughed as he walked over to the coffee machine.

"I'll make yer coffee the way you like it," he told him, smiling. "Then, you can tell me what the poor slob did to deserve that."

13 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sat Jul 14, 2012 10:26 pm

OtomePeach

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"I don't feel like riding," said Jake, sitting down on a nearby chair. "I just wanna read my paper, watch daytime television. Go to work when it's workin' time. I'm a simple man with simple needs.

"And I told you, I don't wanna talk about it. The runt did something bad, and that's that--if I tell you, you'll blab to the whole goddamn precinct."

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

14 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:09 pm

Axton

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He laughed loudly, handing Jake his coffee.

"You know me see well, you outta just marry me," he winked grinning wider. Though the banter seemed playful, Gunner's intentions were far from joking.

He sat down across from him, sipping his own cup of coffee. It was full of sugar and cream, barely any coffee actually in it, but that was his favorite.

"So, he egg your house? Try to break in or somethin'?" he guessed, trying to seem uninterested and failing. "Did he steal somethin' from yer house, or what?"

15 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:25 pm

OtomePeach

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"Cut yer crap, Gunner, that wound's too new to be adding salt to," he growled, drinking his coffee nonetheless. It was near black, with only one sugar cube, just how he liked it; that was how Maggie had always made it for him. It was oddly comforting, and he took another sip and another even though it was still hot.

"Alright, you nagging bastard, I'll tell you--but only because I know you won't quit otherwise. Yeah, the bastard stole something--stole something important. Chased him around with my rifle 'till I caught him, and now we're here. A few years in the big house should set him right."

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

16 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 8:37 pm

Axton

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"You know what I meant, Jake," he replied, a but more mousily than expected from a big, tall cowboy.

"So, what'd he steal huh? Lemme guess, if he stole somethin' from you that you would bring him for..." he tapped his chin thoughtfully, grinning widely. "Was it yer badge? Or yer handgun? Oh!"

His eyes widened.

"He stole your truck!"

17 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:15 pm

OtomePeach

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"Worse," he snarled, "The little punk bastard stole my goddamn patrol vehicle. Who does that?! Naw, I'll tell you who--a no-good punk does that. And he did it, and I caught him, and now he'll get what he deserves. Years, locked away."

He took a long sip of coffee.

"He shouldn'ta done the crime if he can't do the time."

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

18 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:21 pm

Axton

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Gunner tried not to hide his amusement, but it was obvious on his face.

"C'mon, he can't even be that old! Cut the kid some slack, he's prolly from that darned trailer park over yonder, ya know how they are.

"Let me talk to him, eh?"

19 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:23 pm

OtomePeach

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"You won't get through to him," he insisted, shaking his head. "There ain't no changin' a punk."

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

20 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:28 pm

Axton

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"I highly doubt that ya got to him with all yer swearin' and shit on the way here," he laughed, standing up. "I'll be right back, ya hear?"

-x-

True to his word, Gunner returned a few minutes later.

"Well, I got a deal fer you, Jake~"

21 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:27 am

OtomePeach

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"A deal?" he asked suspiciously, still holding his empty mug. "What kinda deal? All I want is for that punk to do jail time so I can go home."

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

22 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:36 am

Axton

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"Not quite," he replied, slinging an arm around Jake. "I talked to the Chief and everythin'! All for ya. It's all done with.

"Since, you're prolly pretty lonely lately, and I sure as hell ain't gonna live with ya, I decided to strike up a deal. The kid's sincere about paying off his debt, you know. He'll live with you, and do chores for you, and anythin' else you need, partner."

He patted Jake on the back, standing up and moving a few feet away, just in case he freaked out. Like Gunner assumed he would. It was really for the best, though.

23 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:01 am

OtomePeach

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"WHAT?!" exclaimed Jake, jumping to his feet. "Gunner, you sonuvabitch--I thought we were pals! The fuck would you do this to me? After all the solids I've done for you throughout the years? Fuck you, Gunner--drink piss.

"I ain't living with a fucking hooligan if it kills me! I'm getting my gun!" He stomped toward the door, fists clenched.

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

24 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:07 am

Axton

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He cringed visibly. He hated when Jake got this angry with him. It hurt a lot more than he would show. Still, this time he had brought it upon himself, and he knew it.

"Listen, Jake, you're gonna need someone to help you out, and the kid really is sorry! Just take him on, for at least a week!"

25 Re: Jake and Jess Don't Fight Zombies on Mon Jul 16, 2012 10:48 pm

OtomePeach

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"And what if it don't work out?!" he demanded. "What then, Gunner? You owe me your ass on a plate if that happens, I swear--if this doesn't work out, I want that punk in jail and I want you to owe me, big-time. Not that you already don't.

"Are we clear, Gunner? I'm fucking pissed, and don't you forget it!" He stomped his foot, crossing his arms.

http://otomepeach.tumblr.com/

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