Meeting in a Motel Lobby

He burst out laughing, unable to help himself.

"Are you serious right now?! No sex drive?! You're a man! Of course you have a sex drive! Hell, you're a human, of course you do! Don't lie, I bet you only say that to scare away the ladies, but at night you think of them while you touch yourself," he snickered, "or maybe men are more your pace. You seem like the type to go for both, though. You know, if your God wasn't telling you about how wrong it is to be a normal human with normal needs. Jesus, how can you not have sex? It's great! I would know, I have it all the time."

"I have no desire to be a part of this conversation," he said loudly, trying to read his Bible. "You are interrupting my prayer time--I thought I told you specifically not to bother me!"

"So you do!" he replied gleefully. "You do masturbate, you just won't admit it! Wow, I thought priests were supposed to tell the truth all the time, you just totally lied to me. Don't worry, I'll duct tape oven mitts on your hands or tie you up at night or whatever it is you need to stop from touching yourself."

He laughed annoyingly.

He turned around, red in the face.

"I certainly participate in nothing of the sort--I have no carnal thoughts!" he spat. "Why, the last time I had such notions, I was a teenager, and I ignored them through the powers of meditation and prayer. You, sir, are merely weak--not everyone is as pathetic as you, you know. Some people are brave enough to live up to God's standards."

"Wow, those must have been mighty painful blue balls," he commented, sniggering. "Come one, let me give you a handjob or something, you won't regret it! I'm pretty good, I think. My blowjobs are better, though, but you're probably too much of a pusy to handle that much action. Come on, I'll only touch you a little bit."

"Touch me and I'll break your hands," he said seriously. "I am trying to read--leave me alone, you sinner."

"I don't think you can, but I'd love to you see you try," he replied, grinning. He got to his feet. "Come on, if you went toe-to-toe with me, I know I'd win."

"I am a pacifist," he replied curtly. "Please, just leave me alone--I payed for half your room expenses, it's the least you can do. Try to be decent to someone for once in your life."

"So, then, you won't, and that was an empty threat?" he asked, laughing. "Wow, you're so lame!! Come on, hit me!"

"I refuse to give into your petty attempts to anger me," he said, shrugging. "Fighting is only for self-defence and the Lord's work--this is neither. This is a sinning imbecile in a hotel room trying to lower me to his level.

"Pathetic, really. I don't know what kind of men of the cloth you've met before, but they must not've been particularly good at their jobs."

He flipped another page, reading the scriptures under his breath. He hoped it would calm him, to quell the boiling in his blood he felt so intensely.

"No, they weren't. They condemned people to hell for who they are, just like you, I guess," he replied. "Condemning homosexuals to hell because you're insecure about liking penis!"

"It is God's business who goes to hell, and God's business only," he said, finally turning to face Ace. "Anyone who has told you otherwise has an agenda. Only you can stop yourself from reaching heaven--think about that."

Ace placed a hand on his still naked hip.

"I know I'm going to hell, I'm not the one I worry about. I worry about the thousands of children who get sent to Christian reform camps because they aren't 'perfect' enough in God's eyes. If God, if the supposed, almighty power wanted people to be perfect, he would've made them perfect. But humans have flaws and so do you, and I, and some are damning, like mine, but I think your flaws are, too, because when you spout nonsense about damning people to hell but you don't really know what God wants, then you're just as bad as heathens and sinners. You're worse. You're the worst type of degenerate. It's amazing that you can even hold a holy object without burning your flesh."

Ulric tapped his Bible, unphased.

"This is God's word. We follow it. That is how we know what He wants--it's not that difficult."

"You're bible is complete bullshit," he replied, sneering openly. "And so are you."

"Then we have nothing to talk about, do we?" he hissed. "If you won't agree with me, and I won't agree with you, then this conversation is over. Leave me alone."

"No, I don't want to. This is what you do to people, isn't it? Rant and preach and rave about how they're sinners who are going to go to hell if they don't conform to what you believe in? Why shouldn't I do the same?" he asked.

"I preach only to those who inquire," he insisted. "You are attacking my beliefs, so I am defending them--what more do you want me to say?"

"I don't believe you," he replied, shrugging. "In any case, I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Good. Get onto the floor so I may sleep."

He laughed.

"No," he replied, cuddling up to the sheets on the bed.

He stood up, throwing his Bible onto the chair.

"But we had an agreement! I get the bed!"

"Ah ah!" he tsked. "How dare you mistreat such a sacred thing?"

"Get off of the bed," he insisted, clenching his fists. "I'm tired, and I wish to sleep."

"Fight me," he replied, grinning widely.