(Butt) Pirates

"Are you sure this is the place, Captain?" asked the ship's pilot again. She examined the charts she had been handed with a frown. "According to my calculations, we should actually be heading west if we want to--"

"Nonsense!" exclaimed the captain, stroking his beard. "I'm sure I'm right--the first building we ram into will be the Governor's mansion."

Sighing, the pilot just nodded and returned to her controls.

"Whatever you say, sir..."

A few minutes alter, there was a loud crash as the ship plowed right into the side of a building; the Captain clapped his hands excitedly and reached for the intercom.

"All aboard the Governor's mansion, men!" he shouted.

Of course, this crash caused any progress Morgan and Margaret had made in getting intimate irrelevant, as the second Morgan had an excuse to get away from the awkward situation, he took it.

As soon as he heard the crash, Morgan jumped to his feet. Luckily, the airship had crashed into the living room and not the bedroom. But even so, Morgan was hardly dressed to fight pirates; he was in his skivvies and unarmed. Yet, being very willing to prove his manliness, he crept into the living room anyway.

A flamboyantly dressed man in a large hat strode into the living room like he owned the place, laughing maniacally.

"All the Governor's riches will be mine, and he's on vacation--this is why too much money is bad for you." Several men followed behind him; he gestured to them with a flourish. "Well?! Start ransacking the place, men!"

After a hearty, "Aye, captain!" the men did as they were told, spreading out in search of values. The captain himself merely laughed, plopping down on the sofa.

"Huh...odd. It seems our Governor friend has shitty taste in furniture--let's hope his taste in valuables is better, eh men?!"

Thinking quick, Morgan locked Margaret in the bedroom and grabbed a fire poker next to him.

"Stop!" He shouted, jumping out from his small hiding place. Of course, he looked rather ridiculous considering the fact that he was still in his underwear and all he had to stop the pirates was a fire poker.

Five men immediately brandished their weapons; the captain waved a hand, signaling for the to step back.

He laughed, taking a step toward Morgan.

"Well, now. I was informed that the Governor and his entire family were on vacation--what are you doing here?"

Morgan glared at him.

"What the hell are you talking about?! This isn't the governors house, you morons aren't even close if that's where you bitches were aiming for!" He snapped, which was the true sign that he was angry; the fact that he was name calling. Rather immaturely, too.

The captain frowned, and the feathers in his hat seemed to droop.

"...You sure?"

"You're on the ground, you colossal dumbfuck!" He exclaimed. "Did you bother to look out the damn window?! Now get the hell out of my house, shit for brains!"

He paused, frowning.

"...Back aboard the ship, mates! We've got a prisoner!"

He dashed at Morgan, first knocking the fire poker out of his hand, then punching him in the gut and slinging him over his shoulder.

"Let's hurry before someone sees!"

Morgan was hardy enough that he stayed conscious, but damn did his abs hurt.

"LET ME DOWN YOU BITCH!" He shouted, squirming. "I'LL KILL YOU, KILL YOU ALL!!"

The captain carried him onto the ship, and they soon set off again.

"You, over there, tell the pilot we don't need to land again."

"But sir, I thought you were going to purchase a who--"

"That will no longer be necessary. If you'll excuse me, I'm taking this man down to the brig."

The captain set him down on his feet and quickly tied up his wrists.

"Let's go, hero."

"DON'T JUST SET ME DOWN AND EXPECT ME TO WALK WITH YOU, YOU MAJOR PISSHOLE, I'M NOT GONNA JUST LISTEN TO YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE SO COOL BECAUSE YOU FUCKING KIDNAPPED ME!" He shouted, despite the fact the gibberish made little sense.

Ignoring all of morgan's words, the captain hummed a merry tune as he escorted him down to the brig.

"LET GO OF ME ALREADY YOU GIGANTIC PSSFACED STUPID UGLY PIRATE ASSFACEHOLE!" He screeched angrily.

"I'll put something in your assfacehole," he chuckled quietly, shoving Morgan into a barrel. "Sit."

Angrily, he did just that.

"What the fuck is your problem, anyway, motherfucker?" He growled. "The fuck did you take me for?!"

He laughed again.

"You were a witness, of course--don't you know who I am?"

"NO!" He shouted ragefully. "YOU JUST MOTHERFUCKING TOOK ME WITHOUT TELLING ME ANYTHING!"

He laughed even harder and louder, adjusting his hat.

"Come on! I'm the terror of the skies, Captain Sweetlove of the Scarlet Victory!!"

He grew silent for a few moments, thinking.

Then, he snorted.

"Yup, I have no idea WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE!" He shouted again. "Asshole piece of...Just, at least, FUCKING UNTIE ME."

He shook his head, frowning.

"...Are you sure you haven't heard of me? Not even a mention? A whisper, perhaps? Rumors? I do so love rumors."

"No, nothing, because I don't have time for pussy gossip when I'm working my ass off just to pay the rent." He snapped.

He sighed deeply, hanging his head. He really needed to calm down. Things were calming down around him, so it was easier for him to calm down. Still, something about the captain overall just pissed him off.

He sighed, shrugging.

"It seems I've still some work ahead of me, then. Now, if I were you, I'd start masturbating."

He blinked, having finally calmed down a significant amount. In fact, he was now so calm he had hardly any expression at all.

"...what?"

"Go on, masturbate if you don't want it to hurt. It'll get you nice and relaxed."