Birds of a Feather

"Oooh, really? I'm such a lawbreaker. Oh, wait, that's riiiight I kill people for a living~" He licked his lips, completely entranced by Seagull. "You're really cute, you know that? I think I'm in love~ I like you a lot, you're very cute."

He bent over slightly so he could kiss him, too.

He headbutted Crow without thinking; he had to get this man off of him. One thing was for sure--only one of them was leaving this room alive, and he wasn't about to join his parents just yet. Papa was waiting for him at home.

Shifting his arm, he got a solid shot at Crow's ribs.

"Fuck you, whore!"

Crow held his head. He should have been expecting that, he figured, but he was having so much fun. He narrowly avoided getting hit a second time, but he did manage to roll to his feet.

"That's just rude!" He insisted, feeling slightly dizzy. Even an expert assassin couldn't shake the affects of what might be a concussion.

Seagull pulled out his gun, shooting the wall; an unfortunate side effect of head-butting your opponent was that you got hurt, too. He took aim again, trying to focus.

"You're not leaving alive," he insisted. "No one gets away with doing some like that to me. I will kill you."

"You're messing up my job!" Crow insisted, trying to stop himself from spinning in circles. "Stop shooting, jackass!"

He fired another shot; this one hit a book on the shelf just above Crow's head.

"Your kill?! You ruined my kill, you stupid son of a bitch!"

Finally, he said 'fuck it' and decided fleeing was the best option. He wasn't going to get shot because of something this retarded. The job wasn't worth his dignity.

With his vision mostly clear, now, he made for the fire escape, which had been his plan all along.

"Bye, little assassino~" He shouted, as he fled.

Seagull hurried to chase after him, but he tripped; his gun bounced on the floor, sending a bullet into the ceiling. Swearing loudly, he ran down the same fire escape. By the time he reached the bottom, Crow was long gone.

Later on, when he reached the client, he learned that the man in black hadn't showed up to collect his share. He demanded both shares and went home to much praise from his Papa, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he'd meet him again, that Crow person. He clasped his fathers' rosaries in his hands and he just knew.

-x-

A few years later, a young man clothed completely in white waltzed into a dark room. He held a lit cigarette, though he hadn't been smoking it; he had found that such props made his baby face easier to ignore. He wanted to be taken seriously as a killer, after all.

A figure sat effeminately on a desk, illuminated by the light that streamed in through the Venetian blinds. They beckoned him closer; already irritated by the cliche atmosphere, he put the cigarette in the ash tray and sat down in an armchair.

The figure turned on a small table light, revealing that he was, in fact, a very fabulous man in a suit and ponytail.

"Bonjour!" he said brightly, blowing Seagull a kiss. "Or, since we're in America and I'm not even French, hello! It sounds so much less glamorous, doesn't it?" He crossed his legs, beaming.

"You are the one they call Seagull, right? You look just like I imagined you--perfect for the name!"

The young man dressed in white groaned; that was indeed his nickname, but he loathed it with a passion.

"Actually, most people refer to me as 'The Angel of Death,'" he corrected. It wasn't actually true, but he wished it was.

The client frowned. "I've never heard anyone call you 'The Angel of Death'--it's such a frightful mouthful, I'll just keep calling you Seagull instead. Short, sweet, nice ring, eh?" He pulled out and lit a cigarette. "You can light another one if you want--it's a frightful habit, but it certainly looks sexy, huh?"

"No thanks," he said, attempting to hide his discomfort. This guy was really creepy. "Trying to stop, and all that."

"Oh pish-posh," said the client, obviously disappointed. "I can only hope you're more fun with a gun."

"Speaking of that," interjected Seagull, "Who am I going to hit, here? I can be ready to go as soon as you give the word, just tell me what I need to get done."

To his surprise, the client waved his hand, smiling brightly. "None of that just yet--I've cooked up a little surprise for you, Seagull~ One I'm sure you'll absolutely love."

He instinctively reached for his gun--he hated surprises--but the client motioned for him to stop.

"Not just yet, my little white pumpkin--he should be here any minute."

"'He?'" Seagull asked, just as he heard the door open behind him. He turned around in his chair, aiming his gun at the newcomer.

"Ciao!!" Exclaimed the main who had entered the room. He looked even more fabulous than he had a few years ago, which was saying something. "Oh, Seagull!!"

He pounced on him, grabbing his gun and throwing it across the room. "Oh, it's been too long since I last saw you, attraente~"

He pulled Seagull into a deep, long passionate kiss. How he had missed that cute baby face of his.

Seagull kicked him in the crotch with all the strength he could muster, though he now had an awkward erection; he had been dreaming of similar situations ever since their first encounter. He yanked at Crow's hair, trying to pull their faces apart. He even bit his lip, hoping he would just give up and let go.

Meanwhile, the client laughed, clapping his hands. "Young love! Oh, how I miss it. You two didn't tell me you were so close~ That'll make this waaaaay more interesting than I was planning. Oh, goodie!" He giggled into his hand when they didn't stop.

"My, are you two going to make love on the floor for me to watch? I certainly don't mind..."

Finally, Crow let go of him, licking his lips with satisfaction. He had half a mind to throw Seagull onto the floor and fuck him so hard, right then and there. But unfortunately, he knew that wasn't an option. Oh, but later he would be sure to get his way with him.

He took a seat on the chair next to Seagull, crossing his legs.

"Now, let's get to the job." He purred, wanting things to end quickly so he could steal Seagull and find a nice, secluded area to bang him in.

Seagull crawled back into his chair, glaring daggers at Crow. This stupid client had better have a good reason for inviting that whoring douchebag. Just look at him, more flamboyant than ever! What a poof. How did he walk around without getting beat up? Seagull sneered smugly to himself, unconsciously touching the snakebites he had gotten since their last encounter.

"Well," said the client brightly, "Now that we're all here, I can fill you in. My name is Jans Frank Janssen, and I like money--there, now we all know each other.

"Now, you see, I have this uncle, right? Owns this huge lovely company up in Scandinavia--I won't tell you which one, but the point is he's rich. And he's fucking old--he's gonna croak soon. Only, he's growing suspicious of me." He giggled. "The old coot thinks I'm after his money, and he's right--his son didn't die in a real boating accident last summer. So I need you guys to whack him before he wises up and erases me from the will.

"Can you two strong young boys do it?" He kicked up one of his legs, looking at them expectantly.

Seagull spoke first. "Of course--just tell us everything we need to know and I know that I'll kill him first."

Jans giggled again, shaking his head. "No, no, no, silly billy--there's a catch.

"You see, I really want this man dead. So I hired the world's greatest assassin and the second greatest." He nodded to each in turn; Seagull felt rage boil in his veins. How he hated being in second place.

"So, I've decided to do something a liiittle bit strange with your pay, just to make sure the job gets done right. If one of you kills him, you get the sum I already told you. However, if you work together to kill him and do a really, really neat job, you both get double." He beamed, like he had just told them the best plot twist in the best novel ever written. "So? What do you think?"

Seagull stared, stunned. "You want me...to work with that."

"Exactly!" he giggled. "So, do you two accept?"

"We accept." Crow replied, waving his hand. "Come on, Seagull, I have a surprise for you~"

He grinned widely, antsy with excitement. Today would be the day he would bed Seagull, he was sure. It would be glorious. The best lay he'd ever had. He had been dreaming about it since he first met Seagull.

"We?!" he snapped, about to tell Crow off; then he remembered the money. "...Yes, we accept." Nonetheless, he still gave Crow a "friendly" punch in the shoulder.

The client clapped his hand again, practically shaking with glee.

"Excellent! Then we'll all go to my Uncle's villa in Spain--I have someone I'm meeting there, we're going to Italy so I'll have an alibi. You two should go get packed."

Crow retrieved Seagull's gun and held it over him.

"Come on, I have something so show you." He said. "I'll give you your gun back if you come with me~"

"Give it back now before I kill you!" he spat, pulling out a second gun.

Crow just laughed, pointing Seagull's own gun at him.

"Come now, I don't have time to play this little game you seem to enjoy so very much. Or, is this foreplay for you?" He teased, smiling smugly. "If we spend all night on foreplay, you'll be unsatisfied come morning~"

He punched Crow in the face. In retrospect, it was a pretty stupid move, but he lost his temper.

Sleep with that cunt? As if. As much as he really, really wanted it, it was beneath him.

Crow held his nose.

"Damn!" He swore, pouting. "You almost broke my fuckin' nose! I can't break my nose, it's vital to my appearance!"

He shoved Seagull against the wall, grabbing his second gun from his hand as well.

"Come with me, or I'll beat you so badly you won't have a choice."

"Fucking. Make. Me," he growled fearlessly. Yeah, he'd like to see this shrimpy whore try to beat him up--even without his guns, he'd killed with his hands before. It was harder, but he was sure he could manage if he was this angry.

Meanwhile, their client had actually shut off the light and left the room while they were arguing. He had had a good suspicion of what they were about to do, and jokes aside he really preferred girls.

Thus, Crow punched him in the nose, straight on. He hope it broke, because it would be just the payback he wanted.

"You're beneath me. You might be the second best assassin, but the gap between us is tremendous. You will never surpass me." He hissed, kicking Seagull's guns across the room.

He grabbed his nose, yelping with pain. Ow. Ignoring his nosebleed, he kicked Crow in the side, just beneath his ribs. Not the best hit for this situation, but it would do.

"You talk a lot of shit," he shouted, "But I know I'm going to kill you! You might as well give the fuck up now--let's just finish this job."

He grimaced, taking a cautionary step backwards.

"Then kill me, little assassino. I don't think you can."

"Are you stupid?!" he spat, quite literally as there was blood dripping into his mouth. "I want double the money! You stay alive until I no longer need you, bitch!"

He laughed.

"Oh, greedy, aren't you?" He rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. I'll work with you, just to make you happy. But you have to do something for me. Just one, little favor, and I'll make sure things go smoothly. Capiche?"