WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO NAME THIS GUY

[[-cough-]]

Theophilus Gorecki was not the type of man you would expect to find taking in criminals. Yet, there he was, standing in the police office, holding a handcuffed man in front of him. With his brightly colored hair and piercings, you expected him to be the on in trouble. With another job well done, he accepted his payment and turned to his partner.

"We should go home, now."

His partner, a slim girl known only as "Vanilla", nodded and reached blindly for his arm. A trail of blood leaked down her cheek from her left eye, staining her cute pink dress.

"Okay--did you buy more Coco Puffs? I like the smell..."

Theo looked over at her and wiped the blood from her cheek with his hands, wiping them onto his already somewhat bloody pants.

"Yes, I did buy more. I'm going to go out tonight, though."

"Where are we going tonight?" she asked, clinging close. "Also, you have to feed me soon...my shirt feels wet. Was I bleeding?"

"I meant alone." He said quietly. "I'll feed you once we get home. You only bled a little."

She nodded.

"I know, but I was hungry before...what do you mean, 'alone'? I can't function without you to watch me."

"You know that I need alone time sometimes." He tried to explain, gently as possible. "It will only be for a few hours at the most."

She frowned, looking very apprehensive.

"But, but what if I trip, or...what if a burglar comes...or what if I can't find the Coco Puffs...and you know I can't sleep alone."

"Please, Vani." He sighed very softly. "I need this. Otherwise, it becomes very hard for me to function."

"I can close my eyes and curl up in a corner," she suggested. "I'll do anything, pleeeeeaaase?"

He shook his head.

"No, Vani. I'll only be gone an hour, I promise."

"What if I die?" she asked flatly, like a child convincing their parent not to leave them at preschool.

"...I don't think that's possible."

"Yes it is!" she insisted, pouting. "I'll die of Theo deprivation."

"I'll make up for it when I get back, I promise." He said softly. "I'll do whatever you want."

"What if I asked you to take my virginity?" she said immediately, expecting the answer.

"...The answer should be obvious." He said, frowning deeply. "Why would you even ask?"

"Then you lied," she replied, matter-of-factly. "Liars aren't allowed to be on their own."

"Au contraire, you'd expect a liar to be alone." He pointed out.

"But you have me so that'll never happen," she explained, digging her nails into his sleeve.

"But I do need to go out on my own sometimes. I have my own...hobbies."

"Then take me along and make them my hobbies too!" she insisted.

"They're really two people hobbies." He paused. "...most of the time, anyway."

"Then find me someone and we can have a big foursome hobby!" she insisted. "Both people can have partners...and when it's not for two people, I can be the third! Like a musketeer, or something!"

He frowned deeply, doing his best to not imagine that.

"...I'm just going to be with an old friend."