One and a Half Vampires

"This dumbass firemouth who doesn't lock up his alcohol well enough, that's what. I smelled it," He laughed. "C'mon, let's go grab some. What do you like?"

"I don't know," he said honestly, grinning like an idiot. "I've never really tried spirits before--are they enjoyable? Of course, I'm sure they're always more enjoyable when you have chums around, right?"

"Just don't drink too much, okay?" he patted him on the back, pulling him from the tent. "I'm gonna get us some vodka and beer, just stay here."

"Okay," he said, nodding eagerly. "Staying in one place--I can do that. Definitely. I'd wait for you forever, my dear vampire chum." He bowed his head, smiling genuinely.

A few minutes later he returned, holding the alcohol in his wings.

"Here!" He replied, laughing. "I got more than usual. How much of a drinker are you?"

He shrugged, frowning slightly.

"Why, I've never drank in my life--spirits, that is. Are we going to find out, chum?"

He grinned.

"Yeah, sure. I like vodka myself," he replied, setting the alcohol on his pillow. He used his hooks to latch onto the ceiling of his caravan, using his feet to open a bottle of vodka and a bottle of beer.

"Here," he said, gesturing towards the beer.

Asher grabbed it, beaming. He couldn't believe he was already drinking buddies with his new chum!

"So, how much am I supposed to drink?" he asked, sampling it cautiously. It was bitter, and altogether not the best, but he'd stomach it--it was the taste of friendship, he was sure.

With the other bottle open, he carefully wrapped his thumbs around it, taking a sip with his incredibly long tongue. "Mm...this is the good stuff. The kind made from sugar and fruit, not from grains. Gosh, that stuff is gross.

"So, do you like the beer?"

"Yes," he lied, nodding. "It tastes like friendship," he added, scooting closer to Vasily.

"So. Chum. Shall we get drunk and bond and tell each other secrets? Is that what we're doing?" he asked, barely able to contain his excitement.

Vasily laughed.

"Only if we have sex," he replied, guffawing. "You scared away my meal and my partner."

"Sex?!" he asked, his lisp particularly obvious as he said it. "Is...is that what chums do, nowadays...?"

"Chums?" He asked, raising his eyebrow. "I mean, yes! Chums do it all the time! Chums is what we are, and we'll have sex and that's all there is to it."

He smiled at him, trying to sound convincing.

After a moment's hesitation, he nodded, taking another swig of the bitter-tasting beer.

"A-alright! I like it! Let's become close friends, okay?" He smiled awkwardly. He had never had sex before; hopefully it wouldn't be as unpleasant as beer.

"So...you got a caravan?" he asked, winking. "I don't have a bed, but against the wall might work, too."

"I think I might have a caravan, but I wouldn't know where it is," he said with a shrug. "I don't really know how to find my way around, yet--that's why I was hoping you could give me a tour, if it's not too much trouble."

"Oh right, I almost forgot. Well, let's go try and find this caravan of yours," he stood up, handing the vodka to Asher. "Hold this for me while we walk."

"Okay," he said, nodding eagerly. "I hope I have a roommate! If I do, I can't wait to meet them--so exciting, more chums!"

"...right," he replied, stepping onto the ground. "Well...where is your caravan? I mean, do you even know the general vicinity?"

He shook his head.

"I actually don't know where we are right now. This whole circus layout is very confusing."

He groaned.

"Fine, but you're asking Tobias, I'm not coming within five feet of that scrawny asshole."

"Why?" asked Asher, tilting his head to the side. "You mean the ringmaster? But he seemed so fashionable and pleasant--a bit prickly around the edges, but I'm sure he just needs some time to get acquainted."

"No," he replied bluntly. "No he doesn't. He's always a huge, midget asshole. And don't even try getting around those guard vampires he has. If they're even vampires, they act more like drooling puppies."

He frowned deeply.

"You're going to see him, not me."

"Why am I seeing him?" he asked, accidentally sipping the vodka instead of the beer. He sputtered as it burned his throat.

"Goodness!" he exclaimed, coughing.

He cackled, unable to stop himself.

"Sorry, that's probably too strong for you, huh?" he chuckled. "And you're seeing him to ask where your caravan is, stupid!"