Gunner Doesn't Watch Gay Porn

"Oh, my." Duncan sipped his water, and his gaze slipped to the patterns in the hardwood flooring. "Maggie, she's...she's not doing that badly, is she? I've only spoken to her on the phone, and I haven't had time to make a proper visit."

"She's..." Gunner stopped. He really didn't know. "She won't say. She says she's okay, but...with Maggie? I don't know. I don't know much at all, anymore. More than Maggie, I worry about Jake. I don't know..."

Gunner stopped himself from saying, I don't know if Jake can live without her.

"Let's...talk about something else," said Duncan, taking another sip of his water.

Gunner nodded, but now he couldn't stop thinking about it. He sighed deeply.

He looked up at Duncan.

"I'm sorry I'm not good at...dates."

"No, it's fine, really," he insisted, forcing a smile. "I'm enjoying getting to know you." Though he meant it, he knew the date was going south fast.

"So...are you hungry?" He stood up and hurried to the kitchen. "I can make us some donuts, or maybe some crepes. Or do you prefer French toast?" Before Gunner could answer, he set the oven to preheat.

"I'm hungry!" he replied, frowning deeply. "You need help? I mean my hands aren't great but..."

"Really, it's fine, you're my guest. Is there anything in particular you want? I think I have dough for cinnamon rolls, too."

He glanced at Gunner sitting in the living room alone, and bit his thumb. "You can turn on the TV, too, if you want--and please, keep talking, I'm just gonna whip up a snack, okay? Then we can sit and eat and have some more beer."

Gunner knew this was a horrible date. He just wanted it to be other with as soon as possible, at this point.

"Uh, cinnamon rolls...sounds great," he said, not in the mood at all for food.

When he finished putting the rolls in the oven, he sat down next to Gunner again, frowning slightly.

"Gunner, I really like you, and I really want to get to know you. But please, be honest with me for a minute--is there something bothering you? You seem kind of gloomy. It wasn't something I said, was it?"

Gunner shook his head.

"No! You're...no, it's just...it's not you, it's...well, ya see, I..." Gunner took a deep breath. "...I'm no good at this sorta thing. Really, at all. I don't know what I'm doing..."

He swallowed.

"I don't...date. I'm not...I don't really...the thing is, the problem is..." He groaned. "...it's a long story."

"You can spend the night here, you know," he chuckled. "Go on, you can tell me. I'm told I'm a good listener."

Gunner shook his head, feeling shame.

"N-no, well..." Gunner frowned and thought for a second. You know what? Why not. The date was going to hell, it was too late, now. "Fine.

"When I was 16, I figured out I was gay because I watched my best friend change into his pajamas. I fell in love with him, and you know? I'm still...still fucking in love with him," Gunner clenched his fists. "It's pathetic, and no matter what I do, I can't even bring myself to tell him. In fact, I practically introduced him to his wife. I might as well have shot myself in the foot for real."

He exhaled.

"...sorry."

"Oh," said Duncan, wide-eyed. Maggie had failed to mention all of this baggage over the phone. "Well, Gunner, you know...sometimes, you do have to let go of these things. And now, I've never been in a relationship like that, but--" He grabbed his hand, and kissed him on the wrist. "--if you need help forgetting, I am here, and we are on a date. We can do anything you want together."

Gunner stared at him.

"All I do is sleep with men and try to forget. It's never worked before, it won't work now."

"Then perhaps we shouldn't sleep together." He stood up and leaned over Gunner so they were face to face. "I don't mind waiting. Look, I know this date has gone slow, but...are you free next Friday? We can do something more fun than bar hopping. You seem like you could use some fun, if anything--something to get your mind off of your problems."

He sighed.

"Okay..."

He kissed Gunner on the cheek.

"...Is that okay?"

"I....don't know." he said honestly. "I...need to think."

He sighed, but still smiled.

"Then why don't I take you home, and you can think about it? You have my number. If you want to talk again, call whenever you like, okay?"

"Are you sure?" he asked, frowning deeply. He felt terrible about how things had gone. "I...I'm sorry."

He kissed him on the forehead and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"Don't be. I don't mind at all--even if we can't date, we can still be friends, right? Come on, let me give you some cinnamon rolls for the road."

"If...it's okay, can I just stay here?" Gunner asked, biting his lip.

"Oh, really?" He smiled; he hadn't been expecting that. "Well, sure. Though if you don't mind, there's a favor I'd like to ask if you do."

"Yeah?" he asked, trying not to be worried.

"I really like cuddling," he admitted. "Sleep next to me and you can stay all you want."