I HATE YOU I LOVE YOU

Merlin beamed.

"Oh. Ohohohoho. And how shall I do this, my friend?"

"I'll watch you during rehearsal. You can't have anyone assist you at all." He nodded slightly.

He grinned, shrugging like a certain gay prosecutor.

"But of course! I'll completely destroy this challenge--put on your clothes, Hesekiel, we're done here. Jenkins, put today's fees on my tab."

-x-

Hesekiel followed Merlin into the large tent used for the main attraction, which was luckily empty. Rehearsal was still going on for everyone else, but whoever was supposed to there wasn't.

"Show me."

"What kind of tricks are you interested in?" he asked, pulling a deck of cards out of his sleeve. "I can do anything from doves to mind-reading to escapism."

"I'd love to see you do an escape without an assistant." He said simply.

He laughed, shaking his head.

"Those fools do nothing during my escape acts except press switches and pull levers to put me in danger--I'm the real deal. What would you like to see me escape from?"

"It doesn't matter, just escape from something. Hurry, too, I'd like to see you fail."

He rolled his eyes.

"So...like, a shark pit, or something?"

"Go ahead." He crossed his arms.

Sighing, Merlin went to pull his straitjacket out of a pile of props.

"Seriously, would you rather have me escape from ice, or fire, or water, or death by falling, or ravenous animals...?"

"Are you going to do it or just stall all day?"

He sighed.

"Well, go on--the huge tub is over there, fill it with water."

"Excuse me?" Hesekiel deadpanned.

He rolled his eyes.

"I need to set up a chain to hang my straitjacket from--if you want this to go quickly, I suggest you pitch in."

"That isn't the deal we have, Merlin." He replied simply. "I'll wait for as long as it takes, as long as you do this all by yourself. Unless you're admitting you can't."

He shrugged, pointing to a folding chair.

"Then sit your huge ass down and prepare for a wait."

Painstakingly wheeling the huge tub into the center of the tent, Merlin grabbed a hose from outside and began to fill it. Meanwhile, he grabbed a ladder and rigged his strait jacket to a chain attached to the top of the tent.

"Are you ready for this?" he asked, shutting off the water.

He did sit, in quite the ladylike manner, which his hands folded in his lap and his legs crossed.

"Go ahead." He said, looking as unimpressed as he usually did.

Trying to to laugh at Hesekiel's girly posture, Merlin pulled two doves out of his sleeve and slipped into the straitjacket. He whistled loudly; the doves fastened the straps for him, and he kicked away the ladder.

He dangled upside-down over the tub of water, smiling at Hesekiel.

"What time do you have, Hesekiel?"

"It's 11:34." He told Merlin, after glancing at his watch.

He smiled.

"Perfect--I have rigged this chain to stop bearing my weight at precisely 11:40. I will, of course, escape before then. Is this good enough for you?"

Hesekiel nodded.

"It's perfectly fine."

Merlin struggled theatrically, shifting and biting at his restraints. When 11:38 rolled around, he had only managed to almost free one arm.

Hesekiel watched silently, waiting.

Merlin winked at Hesekiel; at that moment, he plummeted into the water. A puff of smoke clouded the water, and when it cleared the straitjacket was empty; a drenched Merlin leaned against the tub, looking flabbergasted.

"...Hesekiel, what time do you have?"