WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO NAME THIS GUY

"...I don't even know who that is. Is he ugly and old like me?"

"He's God," she replied instantly. "He also gets all the pussy he wants. He's cool-old, just like you."

"...I'm still old, though."

"But you're hot! Being old is attractive if you're hot. My online friend agrees with me."

"...your online friend? Who are they? Do I have to kill them?"

She tilted her head to the side.

"Why would you kill them?"

"...What do they talk to you about?"

"Stuff, like celebrities and hot guys and pop culture and how she thinks I want to see her naked."

"...okay, I guess."

"Her name is lolsummer69. Why would you want to kill her?"

"I don't. ...anymore."

Vani would've rolled her eyes if she had any.

"Besides, she's way nicer than that one guy who keeps sending me pictures like the ones you have on your phone."

"...I have to kill him."

"He said he was gonna steal my virginity, and I totally don't want mine naymore, but I don't get why he wants it. Also, I think he may be a baby in disguise."

"...I'm tracking him down and murdering him." He decided.

"He said he wanted to suck my breasts, but that's what babies, do right? Also, he asked me to touch myself so I poked my arm and told him I was and he said it was sexy. He's kinda weird. Anyway, why're you gonna kill him?"

"...No more internet for you."

"But it's so fun."

"No. I forbid you."

"But people say you can lose your virginity if you find someone on the internet. I want a fuckbuddy--whatever that is."

"No. Never."

"Then take my virginity," she said bluntly.

"That's not for me to take, Vani, my dear."

She smacked him on the shoulder.

"Then find someone!! I want to get laid, however that works."

"No, not until you find the right person." He insisted.