WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO NAME THIS GUY

"Find me one of your exes."

"I don't have any exes, and I especially don't have any I'd ever let you near."

"I don't bite!" she insisted.

"...You're not the problem."

"Then find me someone to have sex with. They can even be a prostitute."

"No! Of course not. You have to love them first." He insisted.

"...Show me a prostitute and I'll show you someone I'm in love with?..."

"...no."

"Fine," she said, wobbling as she stood up. "I'm going to go find a soulmate!"

"Alone?"

"You won't help me," she grumbled, crossing her arms.

"If you would be more agreeable, I would."

"...Agreeable?"

"I just want you to make sure that you love someone before you sleep with them."

"But that's not important to me," she insisted. "It's not like I want to live with them, or anything--that's what you're for."

"...If you aren't willing to be in a relationship with someone, you shouldn't have sex with them."

"But that's all I want," she insisted. "The only relationship I need is with you."

"Then you aren't mature enough for sex." He replied simply. "I won't allow it."

"...But I want it," she insisted.

"Then you can do it on your own, and I assure you you won't like it."

"...Then what else am I supposed to do?"

"There's no reason for you to need to rush into sex; it's something very important and you can only lose your virginity once. You should make sure it's exactly what you want." He explained sternly.

"...So you honestly want me to bring home some stranger guy you've never met but I fell in love with to live with us?"

"It would be fine, if you really loved him." He said simply. "I would have to adjust, but if you loved him, how could I say no?"

She scowled, crossing her arms.

"But that's wrong--it's just you and me. You don't bring home the people you sleep with."