An Obligatory Episode

"What is your problem?!" He snapped, in a hushed tone. "How can you think of money at a time like this?! Just focus on the case, and afterwards we'll talk about it."

He adjusted his suit, still glaring at Priestly. "Stop being such a jerk."

He turned up his nose and walked over to the door, reaching for the handle. He hesitated slightly, before he instead decided to knock and wait for a response.

"We have to eat Mars," he said, shrugging shamelessly. "There's nothing wrong with getting paid for what God gave you--that's why being a stripper has earned me no sort of damnation." He laughed loudly, patting Mars on the back and then the butt.

"In any case, I don't think our demon friend will just invite us in, Marsy. We'll have to--"

"...Come in," said the distinct voice of a young woman.

Priestly froze, staring at the door in wonder.

"Come in," the voice repeated, sounding sadder.

He was just about to interject loudly asking about the fact that Priestly had been a stripper, but he was cut off before he could do so.

"Knocking is the polite thing to do, even demons respect that." He replied bitchily. Then, it occurred to him. "...didn't the lady say it was a man?"

He hesitated to open the door, now. It would have been one thing had it been what he was expecting, but now he was hesitant.

"Perhaps she was mistaken," said Priestly calmly. He placed a reassuring hand on Mars's shoulder. "It could be a woman--demons are tricky, perhaps she misinterpreted the gender. It may have been a girl all along. Unless--"

"Come in," insisted the voice, growing lonelier-sounding by the second.

Priestly stared, then chuckled softly. "Ah, I was about to say...unless it wasn't the demon at all calling. But that's absurd."

Still, Priestly didn't reach for the doorknob.

"...Are we going to go in?" He asked, really wanting to open the door and find out what was on the other side already. It was less curiosity and more he just wanted to know what to expect.

He furrowed his eyebrows, staring at the door curiously still. They didn't have nearly enough information to know whether or not it was truly a demon. Besides that, there were many varieties and he was not happy having to wait to find out which it was.

Priestly placed his hand on the doorknob, turning to give Mars a serious look.

"...This is your very last chance to give me a good luck kiss," he said. "You'll regret it if you don't, Mars--come on." He leaned forward, puckering his lips and closing his eyes.

Mars wrinkled his nose, pretending he would never ever think of it. But as soon as he Priestly closed his eyes, he leaned over and gave him the briefest, most chaste kiss on the lips in the history of kisses on the lips.

"Now hurry and open up the door." He replied, trying to pretend as if nothing had happened.

Priestly licked his lips in a way that was decidedly predatory and anything but chaste. "You taste like strawberries," he purred, throwing open the door.

The room itself was...surprisingly normal. The furniture was what you'd expect from a hotel like this, a couple chairs and a double bed, a nightstand with a lamp. There was even a TV on one of the walls. The only unnatural thing about this room seemed to be the way the faded maroon carpet clashed horribly with the green damask wallpaper.

Priestly glanced around cautiously.

"...Shall we go in, Marsy? We're protected by the luck of the kiss, after all." He winked.

He shoved Priestly inside before walking in himself. He glanced in the bathroom, but only because had yet to see whoever was inside the room. Establishing they weren't in there, he continued to walk into the room until he had a clear view of it.

"...Where are they?" He mumbled, mostly to himself.

Priestly followed Mars into the room, glancing around. There was a thin layer of dust on everything, but beyond that, everything was still pretty normal. He glanced down; no bloodstains in the carpet, either. Not that it was easy to tell, with that awful color.

"Strange," he muttered. "Perhaps we should--"

The door suddenly flew shut; Priestly stepped in front of Mars, shielding him with his body. "Who's there?!" he demanded clearly. "We just want to talk to you--that's all we're here for!"

Mars rolled his eyes slightly. Priestly, always doing his best to protect him. Not that he needed it. Most of the time.

He glanced around quickly. Nothing much had changed, though the door slamming shut had surely messed with the dust. It was whirling about, and Mars sneezed, feeling quite lame for it.

Still, he continued to look around the moment he could, wiping his nose.

They waited for a few more minutes, until the dust settled; nothing happened. Priestly wrapped an arm around Mars, pulling him close.

"Marsy, are you okay? Nothing's wrong, right? Christo. You haven't been injured?..."

He shoved him away.

"Get off! Stop messing around and help me look for signs of the demon." He replied, moving over to open the drawer on the nightstand. He pulled out the bible, flipping through the pages. He was never really sure why they put those in the nightstands, but he really didn't care at this point.

A black creature leapt from the pages, gripping Mars's face.

"Mars!" Priestly shouted, lunging toward him. Before he could get close, there was a flash of light, and he was blinded; he felt something slick and strong wrap around his arm, pulling him closer. He struggled to reach his rosary, but it was far too late.

-x-

He shook his head as he sat up; ouch. What a migraine. There were still spots in the corner of his vision. Sighing, he laid back down in a resigned fashion.

"Mars?" he called. "Marsy, where are you?" He paused to clear his throat; his voice sounded odd.

Mars, who had been hit first, was faring only slightly better than Priestly. He had woken up sooner, however, and it had given him just enough time to find a mirror. And when he did, he screamed. It was not a mainly scream, but a shrill girly scream. It was also not in his usual voice at all.

He gripped the edges of the bathroom sink. He had gone into the bathroom because he felt nauseous, but had glanced into the mirror only on accident. However, now it all made much more sense.

"No, no, no..." He grumbled, leaning in closer. This had to be some sort of messed up, screwed up dream. There was no way this was happening.

"Marsy?" he called again, forcing himself to sit up. "Mars, are you hurt?! I'm on the bed, come here and let me see." He tried to stand up, but it was awkward; it felt like his legs were a different length than they had used to be. How odd.

"I'm not hurt!" He shrieked, touching his face. God, how he loved this face. But it wasn't right seeing it like this. He looked into his own eyes, which weren't even the right color anymore, and he cringed. "I-I'm...I'm terrible! I-I'm a sinner! I'm a sinner...!"

He was trapped in the body of the biggest sinner he knew. He felt like he needed to take a long, steamy shower...But no! That was even worse!! What if, what if he looked at this body for a little bit too long?! God, what if he accidentally touched himself?! Or, well...Priestly.........?

WHO CARES!? It would be TERRIBLE!

He was even having trouble walking. He had barely managed to crawl to the bathroom as it was, but suddenly knowing he was in this body? IT was even worse. Somehow, he managed to stumble out into the hotel room.

"...look."

Priestly stared, completely alarmed. After a few minutes, he stood upright and spoke what was on his mind:

"Am I having an out of body experience?...Priestly. You're me." He frowned, examining himself up and down; it brought a smile to his face. He did look good.

And then, he licked his lips.

"I've actually always thought something like this might be interesting--I suppose we'll see, right, buddy?" He walked right up to "himself" and groped his crotch. "Haha, don't worry, you still look great--hey, maybe that's why he couldn't resist, right?"

He shrieked, shoving Priestly (Mars?) away from him.

"No, you idiot, you're me!" He shouted, waiting for his face to turn red. When it didn't, he was kind of confused, but he shrugged it off. Sinners had weird bodies. "Go look in the mirror!"

He grabbed Priestly's (his own?) hand and dragged him into the bathroom, shoving him in front of the mirror. "Stupid! And you're absolutely disgusting, you know that?! How can you even think about doing something as gross as that?!"

He shuddered.

"God, how could you lick my lips in that gross, creepy manner?! You go wash your mouth off right now!" He snapped, unable to stop babbling due to still being in a considerable amount of shock.

Priestly stared, touching his face, glancing at his hands and clothes, making expressions with Mars's eyebrows. Then he turned to Mars--or rather, himself.

"...Want to have sex?" he asked plainly. Mars's body already looked different with him inside of it; his posture was mature and provocative, a sexually open adult on the prowl.

He responded by punching himself (sort of) in the face with as much force as possible. Then, he looked down at his fist, confused.

"...You're weak." He said, completely shocked by this revelation. He had always assumed Priestly was stronger than him, but now he was kind of disappointed that he no longer had en excuse for all those times when Priestly had 'forced' him into sex.

"No, I've just got good endurance," he said, reaching for (his own?) crotch. "And just so you know...my body loves being roughed up. See?" He squeezed gently. "I'm already hard. I'm such a slut, right? I bet it feels wonderful."

Mars squeaked.

"S-stop it!" He insisted, but of course, it was already too late. He bit his lip, swallowing nervously. "I-I can't believe you! We have to fix this, w-we can't be messing around like this!"

Actually, he really wanted to be messing around at this point. The main problem he had was that looking at his own body, and seeing the way it acted like Priestly was just freaking him out. And there was certainly no way he was going to let Priestly coerce him into sex like this.

He grinned suddenly, unbuttoning his body's pants.

"You're good at deep-throating, right? I want to try. Just relax--don't worry, your not getting pleasure in your own body so it's okay."

"N-no, that's not the point at all!" He replied, grabbing Priestly's (well, his own) hands and removing them far, far away from the buttons on his pants. "You're not even being fair about this! I don't want to...I don't want to ever touch my own body like that, you're awful!"