Blair Gets Sick And Mistakes Yuri For a Church Confessional

Yuri sat on the couch, eating the meal he was best at preparing: cereal and milk. Mythbusters wouldn't be on for another hour, so he was watching Spongebob Squarepants. He thought he owned a pair of shorts with the little cartoon sponge on them, but he couldn't remember.

Every time he heard their apartment creak, he'd glance around; he and Blair hadn't spoken since their last argument. Perhaps letting Daisy bowl over Blair's party guests and eat the refreshments hadn't been the nicest thing he'd ever done, but it was really Blair's fault. He had tried to lock him out again so he could look cool in front of all his douchebag friends.

Growing angry just thinking about it, Yuri tried to focus on Spongebob.

Blair rose from his bedroom, completely naked. His hair fell in his face, and he looked like he'd just crawled out of the TV. He was covered in sweat, as he looked for Yuri.

"Yuuuuurrriiiiii..." he groaned, wiping the sweat from his forehead. His eyes refused to focus, but he thought he saw Yuri on the couch. "Yuri..w...water..."

"Get your own water," said Yuri, trying to sound unsurprised. His efforts were negated as he scooted to the corner of the sofa furthest from Blair.

"I-I'm trying to eat breakfast here. Kitchen's over there."

He reached for the remote, turning up the volume.

"You look horrible."

Blair groaned, leaning over the couch.

"Yuri," he groaned again, his eyes wide, dark circles beneath them. "Please help me, I can't..."

He crawled over the couch towards Yuri, sweat dripping from his face and hair.

Yuri hopped off of the couch, backing toward the kitchen.

"Alright, alright--Jesus, Blair, just give me a second." He dumped his leftover milk into the sink and filled a clean glass with water. He placed it on the floor in front of Blair, giving him a strange look.

"...Did you, like, have a late one last night or something?"

He took the water and took a long drink. Then, with the rest of the water, he dumped it over himself. He slicked his hair back, groaning loudly.

"It's so hot, Yuri..." he complained, reaching to grab him. "I feel so hot...can you...get me some ice, please? I'll love you forever~"

He laughed suddenly. "Not that I don't already~"

He hurried to fetch some ice, not wanting Blair to touch him; he had already showered that morning.

"You sound weird Blair--stop talking, you're blabbing random stuff like a dumbass. He put ten ice cubes into a plastic bag and wrapped it with a paper towel before handing it to Blair.

"I think you should lay down. You know, on your bed, where you can change the sheets when you're feeling better."

He happily pressed the ice cubes to his forehead, moving them all over his body.

"Oh my god, this is great~" he said, sighing. "I hurt...I...Yuri, I think I'm gonna die..."

"Then go lay down!" he exclaimed, backing into the kitchen. "Jesus, Blair--don't just pass out on the carpet. What do you want me to do? Go sleep if it's that bad--I'm not a nurse!"

He raked his hands through his messy hair, biting his lip.

"Besides, you're practically allergic to me as-is--go somewhere else before I make you sicker, you jerk."

He looked apprehensive suddenly, holding his stomach. He ached all over.

"I don't want to be alone..." he shuddered, looking up at Yuri. "P-please... I-I need a blanket, I just wanna...watch Mythbusters."

"You don't even like me," he insisted, but nonetheless he grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and tossed in top of Blair.

"There...now, are you just going to lay on the floor like that, or...?"

He crawled onto the couch, huddling up in his blanket.

"Please...watch tv with me?" he asked, trying to smiling at him. He looked thoroughly pitiful.

Sighing deeply, Yuri sat down on the opposite end of the couch.

"Mythbusters isn't on yet," he grumbled, trying not to look at Blair.

He shuddered, hunkering down in the blankets.

"...I know you must hate me," he said, barely able to focus on Yuri. "But...I...I just...I want to tell you..."

He coughed suddenly, retreating into his hut of blankets.

"...I like wearing women's underwear."

"...Blair, what the fuck are you even saying?" he asked, unable to look away any longer. "Is this some kind of weird joke, or are you really that sick? Because if you are, you need to get to a hospital."

He leaned against Yuri.

"It feels good to tell that to someone..." he mumbled, almost as if talking to himself. It was like he barely even realized Yuri was there. "Remember, how you...found that underwear or whatever? They was mine. Go look under my bed, if you want proof..."

He smiled.

"You understand, don't you? With your weird doll fetish? Mine's...not weird."

"I don't have a doll fetish!" he snapped, before Blair's words sunk in. His face went blank, and then he tried to scoot away even further.

"...If that's true, why are you telling me? You hate me. You know I'll tell everyone." It was mainly a bluff, but he wanted Blair to at least be a little afraid of him--that was how he had always tackled bullies in the past.

He smiled goofily.

"I trust you~" he replied, nuzzling Yuri's shoulder. "I trust you, you're too nice~ You're the best person...I'm the worst..."

"...I'm not nice at all and you know it," he insisted, trying to shove Blair away. "I just sabotaged one of your parties. I worship Satan. We both know how horrible I can be."

"But...you're so adorable~" he nuzzled him, sighing happily. "You're my type~"

He coughed into his blankets, but he tried to snuggle with Yuri despite that.

"If I'm you're type, you sure have a funny way of showing it," he grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away. "People don't normally dump people they like."

He tried to end it there, but the words kept spilling out.

"And you know what, too? Don't feed me any of that B.S. about how I'd be great if you were gay, ok? Just don't even go there. I'm not your type if your type isn't dudes--even though we screwed so many times, I've never actually believed that."

It was a lie. The moment Blair had dumped him, he had believed it; of course it had all been lies. How could he suddenly make a real friend, after a lifetime of being a social outcast? He had always suspected he was a toy, and Blair's confession had only confirmed his deep-rooted insecurities.

But he couldn't just admit that.

Blair stared at him.

"Don't...tell anyone, but, I have something to tell you~" he replied, grinning suddenly. "I'm actually gay...~ Really, women are gross~"

He chuckled, then coughed loudly.

"Ouch..."

"Yeah, fucking sure," he said, rolling his eyes. "Isn't that what I just said? But you had a girlfriend, so hey--you're in the clear. Whoop-de-freakin'-doo, good for you. You can stop bugging me about it already, okay?"

His knuckles turned white as he dug his fingers into his arms.

"I'm sick of you playing with me, understand? Our fun ended in high school. Stop trying to mess with me. I'm not some wimpy fuck-toy anymore, okay?..." His voice weakened toward the end as it become more of a question than a statement. As if he really believed he wouldn't throw away his dignity again at the chance to have a friend--even a fake one.

He moved closer to Yuri, attempting to wrap his arms around him.

"But..." he insisted, before he coughed again. "...I feel like I'm dying, and...I don't want you to believe that."

He felt tears prick his eyes, but he ignored them.

"...I'm a terrible person, but I really...I really did love you."

"Just...don't touch me, okay?" he said quietly. He didn't push Blair away, but he didn't look at him, either.

"I don't want to catch what you have, okay? So stay away."