That One Time Lazarus Fell in Love with a Hunter

Lazarus sat at his usual table, downing shots to the cheers of all the vampires around him. He finished the last one and whooped obnoxiously; they joined him, filling the bar with eardrum-shattering yells.

He laughed, leaning back in his seat, and kissed the vampire next to him on the cheek.

"You're lookin' pretty good right about now...maybe I'll take you home. Or maybe him." He pointed to a vampire across the table and laughed obnoxiously. "Or maybe you both--I can do what I want, right?"

He flipped his dark hair, grinning like an idiot. Men were his favorite hobby.

This was not what he wanted to be doing. Federico sat across the bar, watching the group of vampires closely. He had even put on makeup for this ridiculous venture. He rubbed his eyes irritably, smearing it more than it already was. His friends had all volunteered him for the job. He couldn't just say no, either, because everyone knew he was the best at his job.

Thus, it was his job to lure in the vampire, Lazarus. But he was having difficulties joining in on the festivities, as he didn't drink. Ever. It was not his thing, but it was beginning to seem like he had no choice but to start.

He glared at the group more, before he finally got up.

"Care if I join?" he asked, placing his hands on his hips. He looked thoroughly uncomfortable in his clothes, as they tightly accentuated his hips. The leather barely covered the important parts, and worse, it rode up uncomfortably. The pants were all he wore, aside from a plethora of crosses around his neck.

Lazarus leaned forward, grinning.

"With an ass like that? Sure you can. Make some room, fellas!" The vampires scooted to make room for the newcomer, and Lazarus shoved away the man beside him.

"Here. You can sit by me. I don't think I've seen you around before, babe--do you know who I am?"

Federico sat next to him, purposefully leaning against him. It was awkward, but he shoved the awkwardness aside so he could act as suave as possible.

Just think of him as a woman, he told himself, though it did not help.

"I don't think we've become acquainted," he replied, trying to avoid eye contact. "I'm Fe -- er, Blade."

He hoped it wasn't too much of an obvious reference.

"Blade, you say?" he asked, running a hand over his thigh. "I bet I can guess why they call you that, babe."

He glanced at one of the other vampires, snapping.

"Get us more shots--some for this man, too. You got a drink you prefer?" He looked closely at him, running a hand over his chest.

"Ha! I know what you are. Strange to see one of your kind so bold as to join us."

He squirmed, doing his best to resist shoving Lazarus away. Why oh why had his friends made him do this? Of all the people...

"I don't drink," he said, before he heard Lazarus speak about 'what he was'. "What? What are you talking about?"

He reflexively moved away from him, ready to kill him, if he had to.

"I'm just a human."

"Exactly," he chuckled, nuzzling Blade's neck. "I didn't know humans could be so forward. Nice change. I take it you know what I am?"

He licked his teeth and waggled his eyebrows.

"Don't worry babe, I don't break what I like--I can be gentle." He kissed Blade's hand. "The name's Lazarus, if you didn't know. Lazarus Drake. Heard it before?"

"Ah..." he replied, frowning deeply. He was being too paranoid. He leaned back, trying to relax. "Uh...no, not particularly."

"I'm the head of the roughest, toughest most badass biker gang around," he explained, groping Blade's crotch. "Quite a hit with the fellas--never heard a complaint, except maybe that I'm too big."

He downed four shots as they were set in front of him, burping loudly.

"What do ya say? I was looking for some company tonight, actually...you up for going back to my place, Blade?"

This was precisely what he had wanted, but his stomach churned at the thought. Going home with this man was his entire mission, the entire reason he donned these really tight, gross pants.

"Yeah, I, yes," he replied, clearing his throat. "Let's go, now?"

"Whoa," he laughed, "Pretty fucking eager, eh? What a slut. I like you--besides, I was just thinkin' of going someplace quieter soon. Come on, babe--as for the rest of you fellas, let's move out."

All the other vampires joined Lazarus in a loud howl, and then they all clamored outside to their bikes. He winked at Blade.

"You bring your bike here, or are you riding with me?"

"I'm capable of riding my own bike, thank you very much," he replied, unable to resist snapping at him. He swallowed. "I, uh...just. I can follow you. On my bike."

"Fine by me," he said, climbing onto his bike without a helmet. "I love your legs, babe--hope they open soon."

He resisted decking Lazarus, as he knew how it would end for him, and he sat on his bike. He put on his helmet, shoving his floofy hair inside.

When they reached Lazarus's home, he practically yanked Blade off of his bike.

"Want a piggy back ride inside?" he asked, pulling off his helmet so he could pinch his cheek. "I'm stronger than I look, babe."

"What? No!" he replied, before he thought about it. Then, regretfully he replied, "...sure. Sounds great."

He bent over, turning his back to Blade.

"Hop on, honey--it'll be fun, I swear!" He laughed loudly.

He thought about stabbing a steak through his heart right then and there, but he didn't have the heart. It wouldn't be fair, he convinced himself.

Begrudgingly, he climbed onto the other man's back. He felt like such a faggot, but, he was supposed to be, wasn't he?

He sprinted to the front door of his house, making fancy loops and turns along the way to impress Blade. The boy was cute, after all, and the cooler they thought you were the easier it was to get them out of their pants.

He unlocked the door, then forcibly pulled Blade over his shoulder and into his arms.

"That's not all the riding we'll do tonight babe," he whispered in his ear, carrying him inside.

Instead of thinking Lazarus was cool, or instead of being dazzled, Blade just felt sick to his stomach.

"P-put me down..." he mumbled, swallowing. That was absolutely awful, what sort of bullshit was Twilight feeding teenagers? He closed his eyes, but the spinning wouldn't stop. "I'm gonna...augh..."

He frowned, genuinely concerned.

"Sorry--was that too much? I forgot humans get dizzy so easily...here." He set Blade down on his feet, slinging his arm over his shoulder.

"You can rest until you feel better. I don't have much food here for obvious reasons, but is there anything you need?"

"J-just let me...augh," he grumbled, swallowing back the urge to throw up. If he hadn't had alcohol, he was sure it wouldn't be this terrible. Not that he was sure. He'd never done that before, for obvious reasons. Vampires didn't usually give their killers piggyback rides. Though, if they did, they'd sure live longer. There was no way he could think to hunt in this condition. Perhaps he wouldn't be able to kill Lazarus after all.

With a heavy sigh, he opened his eyes, able to see straight again.

"Don't you ever do that again," he growled, giving him a stern look. Though, seeing as how short he was, it was kind of funny.

"Sure thing, babe," he chuckled. "But you'll have to do me some favors, okay? Bedroom's this way."

He helped Blade down the hallway and into a nicely furnished bedroom, with a soft carpet and a large bed covered in lush red pillows and sheets.

"Guess my favorite color?" he guffawed.

"Purple," he replied, having completely given up on his fag act. He wasn't sure it was ever very convincing anyway. "Let's just...do this."

Lazarus leaned close and licked his ear.

"Babe, I like you. You've got spunk. It's really intriguing, in a human..." He ran his hands over Blade's chest until his fingers found his nipples.

"So, babe, you got something in particular you want? Because I'm about to go to town on you." He kissed his neck, gently scraping his teeth against the skin once or twice.