Life Imitates Porn

"Yeah, um, Mister Greg? I'm so sorry, but my sink has done it again...completely busted. And I just made all these sugar cookies, and a tall pitcher of lemonade, both from scratch--and I'll have to wash the dishes! So it's really, really important that you come up here as soon as possible to fix it...see you then, Mister Handyman."

Basil lounged on the flower-print couch in his robe, which barely concealed the expensive lingerie he wore underneath. He had been sitting like this for half an hour; he checked his phone again, munching on a sugar cookie. Was the handyman being coy?

Greg wasn't being coy, at least not fully on purpose. He had been busy repairing part of his mechanical leg that had gotten out of sync. It still wasn't functioning totally properly, but he figured it wasn't fair to keep Basil waiting.

...even though he was pretty sure it was probably no big emergency.

He knocked on Basil's door, tucking his floor length braid into his coveralls.

Basil opened the door dramatically and leaned against the frame, strategically leaning so part of his bra was exposed.

"Oh, it's the handyman! What a surpriiiiise! You here to fix my sink, or is it personal business this time?" He winked flirtatiously.

Greg smiled awkwardly, looking away.

"Just here to fix your sink," he insisted, holding up the tool box.

He tried not to look too put out as he led him to the sink.

"Yeah, it's just completely busted, I don't know what's wrong--say, would you like a treat while you work? I mean the sugar cookies and lemonade I just made, of course."

Greg set his tools next to the sink as he began to examine it.

"Sure," he replied, holding out his mechanical arm, expecting a cookie.

Basil handed him a cookie, leaning over so he could easily see up his robe.

"So how've you been, handsome? Going around the apartment and checking other men's pipes, or just mine?"

Greg mumbled something as he examined the kitchen sink. He took a bite out of the cookie absently, focused.

Then, he turned to Basil.

"So...what did you say is wrong with it?" he asked.

"It just won't work," he said unconvincingly, leaning against the counter. "Say, Greg, do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?"

"How won't it work?" he insisted, fiddling with his robotic arm. "I need specifics."

He purposely ignored the other questions.

"The water doesn't turn on," he replied quickly, nudging Greg's arm with his heel. "I'm completely single, you know. I enjoy it--but it does get awfully lonely. At night especially. Do you ever get lonely at night, Greg?"

"Well, uh...I mean, sometimes I get emergency calls at night, so, it's not...so bad," he replied awkwardly. "So, do you know what happened to the sink?"

"No clue," he replied, pushing the hammer he had used to break the pipes behind a cookie jar on the counter.

"Greg, what do you like in a man?"

Greg leaned over, opening the counter beneath the sink. He frowned.

"...did you smash the pipes again?" he asked.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he said quickly. "Come ooooon, Greg, you and I both know why you're here."

"I'm here because you called me," he replied, pursing his lips. "You need to stop breaking your sink, it's expensive to fix, you know."

"More expensive to fix then my heart?" he said with a pout. "Fine, I'll be frank--why haven't you made any moves since that one afternoon? I really enjoyed myself...I thought you did too."

Greg felt his face flush.

"...I could lose my job," he replied awkwardly, pulling the braid out of his jumpsuit. It dragged across the floor.

"What for? No one has to know--I won't distract you from your work. At least, not anymore...I just want to know if what happened was real. If you really like me back." He toyed with his hair.

Greg flushed even redder.

"I....well, I don't know..." he said. "I...haven't, uh...been with anyone in a really long time."

"All the more reason to be with me now," he pressed, yanking down one of the shoulders of his robe. "There's no one else home, you know...it's just you and me. All day."

Greg frowned.

"N-...no, I mean, it's been a while..."

"Oh, are you being shy?" he prodded, fluttering his lashes. "It still works, doesn't it? Otherwise, I totally have viagra you can use."

"Of course it still works!" he replied immediately. "I...think," he said, feeling his face turn bright red. "I haven't...done...anything for a while..."

"Then let's test it out," he said, grabbing him by his shirt. "Come on, you know you want to."