I Use the Term "Missionary" Loosely

"Good--if I see you again, you're dead!" And with that, Thaddeus ran through the forest, hoping to lose the vile creep on his tail.

An hour later, he was in one of his favorite pubs, nice and warm and sipping a victory beer as he watched late-night television.

Predictably, Faust walked into the pub just minutes later. He sat down in the seat next to Thaddeus and ordered a frilly sissy drink.

Thaddeus didn't notice, as he was too absorbed in his fifth beer and professional wrestling.

"YEAH!" he screamed. "TAKE THAT FAG DOWN!"

Faust just grinned, watching him with interest. Really, something about him was just so interesting. Perhaps if he got some DNA he could try cloning him...

He mused on this idea as he sipped his drink.

Then Thaddeus happened to glance at him during a commercial break; he jumped, almost spilling his beer.

"...Don't I know you from somewhere?"

He shrugged.

"Do you?"

"...I don't know," he admitted, shrugging. "The name 'Thaddeus' ring a bell to you?"

"Yes." He said, sipping his drink. "I'm Faust."

He nodded.

"Don't remember. So we know each other?"

He opened his mouth to explain it, then decided to use this to his advantage instead.

"We're meeting here on a date." He said cheerily.

"Who is?" he asked irritably.

"You and I, my dear Thaddeus." He explained calmly.

He glared, suddenly suspicious.

"You ain't a woman."

He smiled wider.

"Actually, I am. On the weekends, anyway." If his eyes were visible, he would have winked suggestively.

"The fuck," he spat bluntly. "You're a fucking queer, aren't you?!"

"Aren't you?" He asked, faking shock.

Thaddeus scooted away with a disgusted sneer.

"I like to beat fags until they stop moving, ya creep--everybody knows that. They're sick, an abomination."

"Well, why did you ask me out, then?" He asked, amused greatly by Thaddeus's reactions.

"I DIDN'T!!" he barked.

"But you did." He insisted.

"I don't even ask out chicks--why the FUCK would I want to date a sniveling faggot like yourself?!"

He smiled widely.

"Because you like me."

"I DON'T KNOW YOU!!!" he screamed with the maturity of an 8-year-old on an internet chatroom.

He giggled, highly amused.

"Yes you do."

"Then where have we met?!!" he snapped, crossing his arms childishly.