I Use the Term "Missionary" Loosely

He laughed heartily.

"I'm only kidding!" He held up his hands, shielding his heart. "I'll let you out."

"Do it now," he said, his voice ominously level.

Faust almost joked about "not even a handjob?" but decided it would be untasteful in this situation.

He crossed to where he kept his mirror and gently touched Thaddeus, bringing them into a living room instead. It was equally as creepy as his lab, unfortunately.

"...Where the fuck are we now?!" he asked, growing steadily more and more irritated.

Faust pointed to the front door.

"That way out." He said simply.

Naturally, Thaddeus dashed out the door, almost breaking it in the process.

Faust chuckled.

"He'll be back~" He said, sure of himself.

-x-

The next day, a shaken Thaddeus walked through a Walmart, buying odds and ends. he hadn't stopped shaking since the night before; it had probably been something he ate, but that creepy dream about the man in a tophat had seemed so vivid.

He frowned to himself. Did this mean he was really a fag on the inside?...no, couldn't be. That was his stupid brother--and he would never have to hear that name ever again.

Of course, because fate fucking hates Thaddeus I've decided, Faust was coincidentally shopping at Walmart. He as buying candy. Lots of candy. He looked like he was going to trick some kids to come into his basement. Which was all too plausible, so let's not think about that, actually.

Because fate truly does hate Thaddeus, he bumped smack into Faust's fine, creepy ass.

Faust turned to see him and immediately he smiled.

"My dear Thaddeus! Fancy meeting you here!"

He screamed. Loudly. So loudly, in fact, that people all throughout the store flinched and dropped their items.

Faust hardly flinched.

"Is something wrong?"

Thaddeus bolted through the aisles, heading to the most safe and holy section of the store: the alcohol aisle.

Faust calmly followed him and ended up getting there first.

"What kind of alcohol do you like?" He asked curiously.

He screamed again; totally manly, that Thaddeus.

"I hope you're a screamer in bed, too~" He purred.

Thaddeus glared hostilely at him.

"What do you want?!"

"I like you." He said simply. "So I'm going to stalk you and masturbate outside your window until you acknowledge and have sex with me."

"I will kill you first," he growled.

"I don't think you will." He said confidently. "So, I'll stick to my plan."

Thaddeus grabbed some beer, and calmly walked to the check out line, not casting Faust so much as a glance.

Faust followed him like a puppy.

"My dear Thaddeus, why won't you look at me?"

He continued to ignore him, waiting in line like any other good citizen of Walmart.

Faust groped his ass inconspicuously.

"Ooh, you have a nicer ass than Mars." He said, mostly to himself.