I Use the Term "Missionary" Loosely

"Excuse me?" he said, scooting away from Faust.

"Oh, it's just that, you have a very nice ass." He said, as if it were a completely normal thing to say.

Thaddeus calmly paid for his items and hurried out of the store, purposefully walking faster than Faust.

Faust did his best to keep up.

"My dear Thaddeus!" He called to him. "You forgot something!"

"And what would that be?" he called, hurrying behind the building where the dumpsters stood.

He held up Thaddeus's wallet.

"You left it on the counter."

"Hand it over," he said with a glare, extending his hand.

He removed his hat and shoved it into it.

"Oh no, I guess you'll have to come home with me to get it."

"...Tell you what," he said, pulling out his gun. "I just shoot you now, and we end all of this."

"No guns allowed in my house; if you want your wallet back, you'll leave the gun somewhere else." He said, unblinking.

"I don't give a shit about my wallet," he said, rolling his eyes. "But if you're dead, you can't follow me anymore."

He smiled, a different smile.

"I think you don't want to kill me."

"Oh, and why is that?" he said, cocking his gun.

"Because I can make you a deal." He said, grinning widely.

The hand holding the gun shook slightly.

"...What kind of deal?"

"What do you want?" He asked, spreading out his arms in a welcoming way. "I can give you anything you could possibly ever want."

He shrugged.

"I want what every man wants, now--money, promotions, power. I highly doubt you could give that to me."

"I can give you money." He replied simply.

"Oh, yeah? Start talking."

"You just have to stick around with me." He replied. "I'll show you how to get rich quick."

"...No joke?" he asked suspiciously.

He smiled.

"Of course not. You just have to help me out in the lab on occasion."

"...What the hell do you do in that lab, anyway?" He tried to sounds skeptical, but it was hard to hide his interest.

"Lots of things. I know everything, after all." He informed him. "Anyway, shall we adjourn to my house once again, my dear Thaddeus~?"

"...No. I like it where I am, thanks." He took a step back. "I haven't even made my decision yet--who wants to be stuck with a raging queer like you?"