Meeting in a Motel Lobby

"'Soul mates' implies that both people have a soul," he snapped, putting on his glasses. "And you sir, as far as I can tell, gave yours to the devil a while ago."

"Ah ah!" he tsked. "My girlfriend was the one who so lovingly sold her soul to the devil, you see. Stupid bitch. I sent her straight back to him. It was what she must have wanted, anyway, the way I see it. I hate the devil just as much as I hate that so-called God of yours. Both are disgusting, pathetic wastes of beliefs. Your God condemns people, the same as the devil does. If there is no difference, then I don't see what's so much worse about going to hell."

"Have you even read a Bible?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course," he replied, smiling. "The Bible has nothing to do with this, though. This is all about you. Tell me, do you do every single thing the Bible tells you to? Do you? If you do, you're an idiot, and if you don't, you're a sinner, isn't that the truth?"

"Obeying God's word is never idiotic," he retorted. "It is smart to ensure your passage into Heaven."

"So you do, then?" He asked, snorting. "You obey every tiny little line in the Bible? You're pathetic."

He cackled.

"You're so dumb, I honestly don't know what to say, and I say everything that comes to mind."

"Perhaps your mind is just feeble," he snapped bitchily.

"No, I don't think so," He replied. "Anyway, I'm gonna get dressed and hunt some demons today."

"I hope you mean your own inner demons," he said, fixing his hair into a neater ponytail, "because as far as I can see you have plenty.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do the Lord's work. I sincerely hope we never meet again."

Ulric snatched his bag off the chair and, eying Ace carefully, slowly retreated to the bathroom to change.

"No, I mean real demons. The ones I kill on a daily basis," he hummed to himself as he dressed, taking care to suit up the proper tools. He said them aloud as he did so, checking off a list.

"You wouldn't know a real demon if it bit you in the face," he scoffed, pulling off his nightgown.

"One has, thank you. Though, we were having sex, so it makes sense," he replied, smiling to himself.

"...I don't want to know," he said, shuddering at the thought. "Please don't elaborate. In fact, I'd much prefer if you just stopped talking altogether."

"Wish I could, but I can't," he said honestly. "I'll talk until I die, every single thought that pops into my head. Deals with the devil are a real bitch."

"Then think about the Lord, read a Bible," he said, emerging from the bathroom in his priest clothes. "Then maybe something other than blasphemy will come out of your mouth."

"Fah, we all know what blasphemy the Bible is," he replied, chuckling. "Anyway, it looks like you and I are headed to fight the same demons, I think."

"Homosexuality is not a demon I suffer from," he said cattily.

"Oh yes, yes it is," he replied instantly, grinning from ear to ear. "But no, that's not what I meant, and you know what I meant. Besides, if you do it alone, you would probably die."

"I would rather die alone than live to work with you," he said, shrugging. "You disgust me--have I not made that clear?"

"Yes, I'm well aware that I disgust you, because unlike you, I am happy with my life," he replied, clapping his hands together. "Then it's settled! We'll both hunt the demon and whoever kills it first gets to make the other one do whatever they want."

"Am I allowed to ask for you to leave, permanently?" he asked, laughing hollowly. "That sounds lie something I'd actually fight for."

"Yep!" he replied, grinning. "Anything your little repressed, homo heart wants. Anything."

"Fine. If you die, I won't be able to help you, you know."

"Don't be silly, I haven't died yet, I don't plan on dying today," he replied, grinning. "Well, I'm gonna go track the demon and kill him, just so I can get you to sleep with me!"

He winked and headed out, slicking back his hair once more.

-x-

Ulric stared at the smoldering patch of ground where the demon used to be, completely dumb-founded.

"How did you...this can't be." He slicked his hair back, sighing anxiously. "No, no, no--you fabricated this. This was all a ploy."