Mars and Priestly Get Married

Priestly straightened his tie, plastering a smile on his face. He took Mars's hand. He smiled softly; he enjoyed strange missions like this. They stood in front of a large, decadent house on a crisp morning in March. The windows seemed to glare down at them, but Priestly felt oddly calm.

To him, this entire place was a worthless charade. He winked cheesily at his partner, giving him a thumbs-up.

"How do we look, Marsy? I think we make a great gay couple, you and me. Unless you still want to go with my earlier plan and force me into a dress."

Mars glared at him as he yanked his hand away. It was too early for Priestly to ruin his mood, and yet, it happened anyway.

"I think that we should go with my plan in which we kindly explain that I have a phobia of being touched." He said sternly, as he adjusted his rosary again. "Now let's just go inside."

He grabbed both of Mars's hand,s pressing against him.

"But Marsy, that's a problem--they'll make us fix it~ And it'll be oh-so-awkward to explain the noise afterward."

Mars shoved him away, wiping off the front of his shirt.

"The only noise they'll hear is how pathetic and desperate you are." He sneered.

That said, he turned and headed for the doors.

Priestly followed him inside. He nonchalantly groped Mars's shapely buttocks as they walked.

"Desperate I am, Marsy, but it's fine--I'm so much better at what I do when I'm starved for it." He licked his lips suggestively. He had quit playing nice with Mars some time ago; to be honest, he preferred it this way.

Mars ground his teeth together, but for the first time in quite some while, he restrained himself from shoving Priestly against the wall. Not only would that have been violent, he knew it probably would head lead to other unsavory things. He didn't need that sort of first impression.

A few moments later, a rather flamboyant man entered the room. His face brightened when he saw the two men.

"Wonderful!" He exclaimed, clapping his immaculately manicured hands together. "I was hoping you would arrive soon!"

He adjusted his thick square glasses, which had fallen down his nose. They were obviously much too big for him. The man was lanky and tall, but he was not very intimidating. His entire mannerism conveyed friendliness. He ran heavily ringed fingers through his hair, which was a light brown with streaks of a nice shade of blond throughout.

He offered his hand to both Mars and Priestly.

"My name is India Geiger; I'm your resident therapist~" He cooed.

Priestly shook his hand, beaming.

"So nice to meet you. I hope my gay partner and I aren't a bother--I understand these establishments are highly heterosexual. But funnily enough, gay people have relationship problems just like everyone else--who would have though?" He laughed loudly.

"We're Mister and Mister Priestly--my name is Giles, and this is Cyprus. You'll call him Mars, and you'll call me Priestly."

India laughed.

"Oh, silly you, I know how terribly it hard it can be to find a marriage counselor when you're gay." He winked, grinning widely.

Mars looked terribly disgusted at the man, for many reasons. The most prominent one, however, was that when he shook his hand it became coated in a disgusting substance he assumed was hair gel. It did not feel like hair gel, and it smelled like apricots.

"That's why I welcomed you here!" India added cheerily. "Now, come on, you two should meet the other couples who will be staying here with you~"

He led them into a large room, where another couple was eating.

"Ah, so you're expressing that you're a faggot," replied Priestly bluntly. "I'd assume relating to women is kind of difficult for you, so we're lucky."

He sat down, pulling Mars into his lap.

"So there's food? Splendid, Mars is starving--wouldn't stop whining the way up here. He has a frightful hangover from all the vodka he had last night. I begged him to stop, but you know--that's why we're here." He laughed inappropriately.

India smiled graciously as he could.

"I think that my personal life has nothing to do with the problems you're experiencing as a couple, and therefore, the discussion of my personal life shall be minimal. Besides, I'm such a snore-fest." He laughed, trying to brush off the harsh atmosphere.

This, of course, was ruined by the fact that Mars was making quite the ruckus getting to his feet and into a chair as far away from Priestly as possible.

"I am not an alcoholic, you slut." He hissed, sitting down gloomily.

India didn't even know where to begin.

"W-well, please, don't fight too much before we have time to discuss our feelings." He laughed nervously. "Counseling sessions are everyday at ten o'clock sharp. I expect you not to miss any; it appears you really need them..."

Priestly laughed, groping Mars's butt.

"So I have needs. At least I'm not a voyeur, and I don't sleep with dogs during my drunken rampages."

The man on the other side of the table squeezed his wife's hand, frowning.

"...Snugglebutt, are you sure we belong here?" he whispered, frowning. "These people are freaks--surely we're not on their level yet."

Mars smacked his hand away, shooting Priestly a deathly glare.

"If you touch me with your filthy hands one more time, you will wake up without them." He snapped.

The woman who belonged to the man, who was at this point known as "Snugglebutt", tried to smile.

"O-of course we're not this bad, yet..." She hoped they weren't this bad. Those two men were atrocious. What was their problem? She toyed with a piece of her long red hair. "M-maybe we should leave..."

"No!" India exclaimed suddenly. "Oh, my dears, you've already paid for your session; I don't want you to have wasted your money! Now, now, everyone calm down. I'll serve the food in a minute, so please, let's be civil. Get to know each other in the meanwhile, alright?"

Cautiously, India exited the room.

Priestly waggled his eyebrows at the couple, forcibly dragging Mars into his lap again.

"So, are you two swingers, or?..."

The man toyed with a strand of his dark hair, trying to hide his arousal at the prospect of a near-orgy. His mother had been a succubus, after all.

"...That's an inappropriate thing here to ask. We're here to fix our problems, right dear?" He looked pointedly at the lady; it had been all her idea to come to this stupid house in the first place. He couldn't wait to get back so he could keep searching and then dump her.

Mars proceeded to shove him away again, but his attempts were less forceful this time. Why bother?

The woman smiled forcefully.

"I-I really think that's probably a part of why you two have issues..." Her voice was soft, but her tone stern.

She was dressed in a light dress adorned with flowers. She wore a real flower on her breast, but it looked as if it was beginning to wilt. Despite her girlish name, May, and her pretty clothing she wasn't exactly the least intimidating person; in fact she had a rather intimidating aura about her. Her long, dark red hair was tied into a messy, loose ponytail and it gave her a rather wild look. Her eyes were a dark, alluring cocoa color.

"...but I may be wrong. Mister India knows more than I do." She laughed, a choked, forced laugh.

The man shifted uncomfortably in his many layers of clothing; though the room was plenty warm, he wore a thick vest and a hoodie. His Doc Martins scuffed the floor every few seconds, as though he wanted desperately to run away from the table. His wife knew him as Eli, though his true name was Elizad.

"May, darling, I feel like we're supposed to be honest during this retreat--well, I honestly want to go home. Can't we just cuddle at home and forget our problems, May? We just squabble, 's all."

Priestly laughed loudly again.

"Problem? What problems? We're doing fine--he's the alcoholic, not me. I just know what I want and how to have fun getting it. Come on, it's not bad if we're all consenting adults~"

May smiled softly at Eli.

"Dear, I love you." It was only a half lie, and May hated the way it felt. "That's why I don't want to chance anything."

Mars scowled loudly, both at Priestly's remark and the pairs 'love'. It made him feel ill; both of them did.

"I drink as much as you're celibate." He replied cattily, glowering at Priestly.

Priestly pounded the table, practically doubling over with mirth.

"Dear, you drink a little less than I fuck, how about that?"

Eli gripped May's hand, doing his best to manage a smile; to his inner disgust, it was all too easy to smile at her.

"I love you too." He was surprised to feel the tugging of a slight truth attached to his words. He did his best to shake it off; he obviously just wanted to impregnate this woman, purely instinct. Yes, that was it. She was beautiful, too; he couldn't help it. He had always preferred women, too. Men would do in a pinch, but women made him feel alive.

Mars's expression turned sour.

"I'm leaving." He hissed, but before he could so much as think about getting up, India was back.

"Pancakes for everyone~!!" He exclaimed, setting down plate after plate of pancakes. They were all in the shape of cute faces, all so very happy. "And I'll bring syrup and jam and butter out in a second! How is everyone is getting along?"

Priestly smiled at his plate, giggling.

"Why are they happy, India? Are they happy because they're having a nice, functional orgy with all the pancakes below them? You know, I would kill for that. These pancakes are all smug dicks, wouldn't you say?"

Eli bit his lip, scowling. Stupid smug pancakes, he would kill for that too.

India laughed nervously.

"Please, cull the talk about intercourse. It's not polite breakfast conversation."

Mars had to laugh. "When he stops talking about sex hell will freeze over."

India laughed nervously again. Oh, what had he gotten himself into...? No one had ever been this terrible before.

May looked over at her sweetheart target. "Eli, honey, are you alright?" She asked, smiling at him.

"What if intercourse is my breakfast?" Priestly replied, smiling pleasantly. He winked flirtatiously at India. "So. You seen any action lately? But I could rock your world regardless."

Eli massaged May's hand absentmindedly, very distracted.

"Y-yes, dear. I'm fine...just homesick. Already, I mean."

Mars scowled.

"Dirty whore." He growled, not in the least acting about that part.

India smiled at Priestly. "Don't be silly; I told you my personal life is a snore-fest. Besides, this is most definitely a huge stem of your problems, dear."

May sighed heavily.

"...I'm not hungry. Eli, do you want to go for a walk?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Eli far to eagerly. He nearly jumped out of his chair, pulling May out of the room with him; alone time was exactly what he needed to convince her to leave. "Let's go, baby."

Barely paying them any notice, Priestly leaned over the table and winked at India again.

"Let me turn your snore-fest into a sex-fest--Mars'll help us. We met at a swinger party, see~"

"You're the only one who thought it was a swingers party." Mars scowled, rolling his eyes.

India frowned.

"Now, now, you've scared away the other couple. You two should be ashamed of your behavior."

"They just couldn't handle this--can you?" asked Priestly. He groped Mars's crotch, still smiling politely. "I would think a marriage counselor is used to this."