Mars and Priestly Get Married

India tsked, as Mars nearly flipped his shit. He shoved Priestly away and scrambled to his feet, seething.

"Now, now, you two." India chastised. "I insist you go apologize."

"Yeah, Mars," said Priestly, his voice barely masking his distaste for India's suggestion, "Why don't you apologize? Maybe if you do, it'll eliminate all our problems, because we're both such huge shitheads we can't figure out a solution like that on our own. Go ahead."

Mars scowled.

"Fine I will go apologize, so I don't have to be touched by your filthy, slutty whorish hands anymore." Mars replied as he flounced out of the room in a rather homosexual manner.

India sighed.

"Do you mind talking alone, Priestly?"

"Not at all," he replied, steepling his fingers. "What's on your mind, friend?"

"I don't think you have very much faith in me." He smiled sadly, running his hands through his hair once again. He wished it would stay. His hair gel was weird, today. "I think your relationship problems will be easier to mend if you put more faith in my words and methods."

He chuckled.

"Of course I have faith, you silly goober!" he said, his voice dripping with sticky sweet falseness and condescension. "Why else would I be here, in this lovely establishment. It's fantastic."

He sighed.

"If I don't solve your problems due to your own inability to listen to me, then please, don't blame me."

"Oh, I can listen," he said, leaning back in his chair. "In fact, I do a lot of listening--if you ever need someone to talk to, just gimme a call, hmm?"

He chuckled.

"Sweetie, I'm a therapist, I can take care of my own problems." He smiled. "Besides, you have more troubles than I do. Before your husband returns, is there anything you'd like to discuss?"

"What'll it take to get into your pants?" he asked before laughing loudly.

He laughed himself.

"You know there's no way that would happen. Now, I'm off to check up on the rest of the guests~ Make yourself at home." He headed for the door.

"Hey, India! One more question? I swear it's serious this time." He batted his eyelashes cutely.

India turned to look at him.

"Yes~?" He asked sweetly. "Anything."

"Why this job?" he asked, his voice suddenly sincere.

He laughed.

"People ask this a lot. But it's obvious, isn't it?" He laughed. "I love to help people. This is just my way of doing it."

He smirked.

"If that's what you believe is effective...I suppose you should go for it, huh?"

He smiled.

"Sometimes I'm not sure I chose the right job, but others I am. I suppose that's just my fickle nature, though."

He smiled pityingly.

"I never wonder about my job. It's my destiny, and my calling."

"What is your occupation?" He asked suddenly. "I don't recall you telling me."

"I help people, too," he replied, smiling. "It's not that important, though...continue with what you were doing, would you? I need to check on my husband, make sure he's not drowning in booze."

He smiled.

"If you say so. I'll go check on the other guests, you and your husband don't fight too much, you hear~?" He smiled as he left the room once again.

Priestly went upstairs to his and Mars's room, smiling broadly.

"Marsy?~" he called.

Mars was laying on their bed, reading the bible.

"You're sleeping on the floor."

Priestly pounced on him, gently placing the bible on the bedside table.

"But it makes so much more sense for us to collapse in a post-coital heap on the bed where we just made good our spiritual bond."

He laughed humorlessly.

"You're right, I'll sleep on the floor."

He glared up at Priestly, be he did not attempt to move him this time.