A Fairly Gay Christmas Special

"Damn, you have a really big cock."

"IF you aren't careful, I'll put it in you."

"Nooooo, I want it in my mouth~"

"Whatever you say, babe."

Yuri closed his laptop as the moans began; as much as gay porn had become his escape since moving in with Blair, recently it wasn't enough. It was kind of depressing, actually.

He found he couldn't even jerk off to women anymore, and it annoyed him; the only man he had ever slept with was the complete douche he lived with. There was no hope of reigniting that flame, that was for sure.

Pulling on a black hoodie, he walked out into the kitchen, wearing only boxer shorts. Even though it was cold, wearing pants at home wasn't really his thing.

Blair was busy decorating, while Yuri was doing whatever the hell Yuri's are want to do.

Things had gotten bad lately in terms of his social life. His girlfriend had broken up with him, his friends were becoming suspicious...He had been irritable lately beyond all hell, and whenever his friends made gay jokes he snapped at them. Of course, to make up for it, he snapped at them whenever they made any sort of off-color joke. Yet, it wasn't enough to balance it out; people were becoming suspicious.

To keep himself from thinking about it, he busied himself by decorating and baking. Today, he was finishing up decorating the tree that he had put up just the night before.

He glanced towards the kitchen, where gingerbread cookies were cooling, as he heard Yuri walk into it. He hoped Yuri didn't snatch one before he managed to decorate them.

"You bought more stuff?" called Yuri somewhat irritably; lately, everything Blair did irritated him to some degree. "If you keep leaving ti out, I might use it for one of my dark rituals--I'd be more careful, if I were you. Also, I want a soda."

He examined the little gingerbread men; they were undecorated, he realized. How strange.

Blair would have laughed a the ridiculousness of that if not for his sour mood.

"Don't touch them!" He snapped instead. Ouch, he hadn't meant to sound that harsh. "I'll get your soda in a second, okay?"

He strained to put the star on the top of the tree, and then moved into the kitchen. For once, Blair was actually wearing less clothes than usual. Which would be none. He had actually forgotten to put on clothes. In fact, he was still unawares that he wasn't wearing clothes.

Yuri couldn't help but stare for a moment before forcing himself to look away. How he missed that body, but admitting it would only lead to ridicule. Their pranks wars were bad enough already.

"Ever consider putting on some clothes?" he asked, frowning. "I don't care if your girlfriend's over or whatever--I'm here too."

Blair paused. Clothes? He looked down, and felt his face burn slightly. Oh, right. Clothes.

"I only did it for you." He sneered, obviously ridiculing Yuri's sexuality. It, however, wasn't exactly the most clever thing he'd ever said as it kind of implied homo-ness on his side, too. "Besides, you know my girlfriend broke up with me. Thanks for rubbing it in, you fucking douchebag."

He opened the fridge and grabbed a coke, furrowing his eyebrows. They were almost out. He'd have to buy more.

"Maybe she broke up with you because she thinks you're small too," he replied bitchily. "And how am I suppose to know what your sex life is like? The last experience I had with it, you seemed to have no problem keeping multiple partners."

"Fuck off." He hissed angrily. He was in no mood to discuss the finer points of his ethics. "Take your damn soda and leave me alone."

He opened the soda and nearly threw it at Yuri. "There."

"You didn't do the dance," he said flatly. "And I'll fuck off when you put on some clothes."

He almost flipped his shit.

"First you complain I'm not wearing clothes and now you still want me to do that stupid homoerotic dance you made up just to fucking spite me?" He snapped angrily. "No, fuck you, I have better things to do."

He set the soda on the counter so hard that it spilled over onto the counter. With that, he stomped into his room. He put on a pair of boxers and then went back into the living room to clean up.

"Last time I checked, you have no one to do, Blair," called Yuri irritably. "And why are you upset anyway--because I didn't appreciate your dick? You said it yourself, those times are over. Right?" He tapped the counter with his fingers, scowling. Gwen Stefani probably never had these kinds of problems.

He gritted his teeth.

"Of course they're over." He replied bitterly. "Forever."

He sat on the couch, crossing his arms and being moody. It wasn't like he missed being close to Yuri or anything.

Yuri grabbed one of the cookies and ate it, moving to the living room. Maybe some TV would get Blair's stupidity off of his mind.

But Blair was already watching TV. It was a nice Mythbusters Christmas special. For once, not even this could make him feel better.

Yuri sighed.

"Do you have to hog the TV? Go jerk off in your room like a normal person."

"Unlike you, I don't need to jerk off; I can actually get someone to sleep with me." He sneered.

Yuri found he had no true comeback for that one; literally only one person had ever been willing to sleep with him.

"Yeah, people from the gutter, apparently," he mumbled. "We did it, right? I'm a man no one else is willing to touch. What does that say about how pathetic you are? You risked contamination by Satan just because you couldn't wait to give anal a try."

His face fell and he scowled at that.

"You have no idea what the fuck you're talking about." He snapped. "So just shut the fuck up."

"Yeah, because you didn't enjoy putting your dick inside a guy," he replied, crossing his arms. "At least I'm bi--what's your excuse?"

Without warning, Blair grabbed Yuri by his sweatshirt collar and gave him a good, hard shake.

"I said. Stop." He growled, giving Yuri another shake. For good measure.

Yuri glared, placing his hands over Blair's.

"It's best not to mess with the minions of Satan, Blair. Besides, you never did it before--am I only okay when we're fuck buddies, is that it?"

He scowled at him, letting him go.

"Don't touch me." He replied, feigning disgust. "Just leave me alone, already."

He shrugged.

"Whatever the fuck. I was going out, anyway." He really wasn't but he was sick of Blair for the time being. "Enjoy all your girly crafts while I'm gone, I guess." He pulled off his boxers right there and walked back to his room for pants.

Blair scowled deeper. God did he miss when he and Yuri were nice to each other. But of course, it was too late now. He had gone and ruined everything.

He sulked even more, crossing his arms over his chest and brooding childishly.

Yuri left a few minutes later, slamming the door behind him.

-x-

He knitted in front of the TV, scowling vacantly. Blair seemed to be planning some kind of huge, obnoxious party, from all the food and decorations. He was sure it was a gesture to spite him; though it was normal, it was still a depressing thought.

He continued to knit and knit away, until the scarf he was making was much longer than he had planned. Outside, snow was falling gently. He blushed inwardly as he found himself wishing he had company; snow was so romantic. It was the kind of weather that made him want to cuddle in bed.

Of course, he had no one. No one wanted to spend a cold night with some creepy Satanist kid.