A Fairly Emo Reboot

He knocked on the door once, then twice more; he normally was much more composed than this, but he couldn't contain himself today. It showed in all his actions, from the bouncy way he had walked here to his self-conscious grip on his leather jacket. Claude von Volfe was ordinarily a cool man. Women adored his calm exterior, and cheered when he cracked small smiles. But today, he couldn't seem to stop smiling; he had finally found him.

The love of his life lay just beyond this door.

Finally, the door opened. A guy who looked no older than 19 opened the door. He had black hair which covered one of his eyes, and he was clean shaven as well. He was swimming in a sweatshirt that was covered in a Tetris print, and he had on cargo shorts and dirty, ratty socks. All in all, he appeared to be the normal teenage kid. Except, of course, he was actually in his mid twenties and was a complete sociopath. But that wasn't so important right now.

"The fuck do you want?" He asked, looking rather annoyed at the guy at the door. "You're interrupting my gaming session, asshole!!"

Claude's eyes widened. This was not the soulmate he remembered.

"...Frederich," he said, smiling as warmly as he could. "I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you--you helped me when I was a child, remember? I got lost and hurt and I almost got hurt worse, but you helped me find my parents again.

"My name is Claude von Volfe. I don't remember if I told you my name back then, but it's nice to meet again all the same." He extended his hand.

"Who the fuck...?" He mumbled, thinking for a moment. He knew almost instantly who Claude was. It didn't necessarily invoke any emotions, however, and he had to gauge the appropriate response for a time. "Oh!! Claude, you, the oh my god how could I forget, buddy!"

Instead of shaking Claude's hand, he slapped it and gave him a brohug, which lasted the exact right amount of time.

"Jesus tits, man! It's been fuckin' forever, huh?" He grabbed Claude and shoved him inside. "Let's have a drink together!"

Claude blushed for the first time in years; he hadn't expected Frederich's touch to feel quite so warm.

"...Yes, let's," he said, unable to stop smiling. "I've kind of got a confession to tell you, anyway. But first you should, um...tell me about your life. I know so little."

He slammed the door and grinned widely, retrieving a beer from the fridge and handing it to Claude.

"I was in the middle of a session of Call of Duty, wanna play?" He laughed. "Of course you do, the fuck am I asking for? Come on, I'll hook up the second controller. I am so gonna kick your sorry ass."

He laughed and plopped down onto the couch. Sitting on the loveseat against the other wall was Faith. She smiled and waved at Claude.

"HI!" He said happily, grinning like a little kid. "My name's Faith! Have you meet Hayden yet? He's so cool!!"

Frederich just laughed, shoving a controller into Claude's hands.

"Who's Hayden?" he asked,s taring at the controller in mild confusion. Claude had never owned a game console; the only video games he played were on his laptop. Even then, he had never particularly favored mindless shooters.

"Also, you'll have to show me how to play--I've never done it before. He pulled off his leather gloves and stuck them in his pocket.

Frederich shrugged.

"I dunno, imaginary friend Faith made up or something. Faith, stop bugging me when I've got friends over!" He shouted in mock anger. "Shut the fuck up and go to your room!"

She shrugged. "Okay, Freddy! I'll go dress Hayden up in my pretty Marilyn Monroe dress again! That was so fun, he whined the whole time!" She skipped away, off in her own little world again...

Frederich groaned. "Fuckin' sisters. Don't even know how to play video games..." He paused. "Wait a fuckin' second, did you just say you don't know how to play?!"

He was shocked. On the outside, anyway.

"The fuck have you been doing your whole life?!" He shouted. "Come on, come on! You've gotta be kidding me!"

He laughed awkwardly.

"I guess you could say I haven't really been living until this moment--which reminds me of what I was going to tell you. Guess why I'm here?"

He groaned.

"You're no fun! At least one round?" He insisted impatiently. "And at least drink your beer first, loosen up, man!"

Claude sipped his beer.

"I'm here to confess my feelings to you--you're my one true love. I've always regretted not being bold enough to kiss you as a child."

Frederich, who had also taken a drink of his beer, proceeded to spit it out all over himself. He hated cleaning his clothes so early in their first wearing, but he guessed it couldn't be helped.

"W-what the fuck are you talking about?!" He asked, appalled. "Oh, come on, TELL me you aren't a fuckin' faggot..."

He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"...No wonder you can't fuckin' play CoD, you fucking pansy."

"I'm good at Amnesia," he said, shrugging. "And I only came here to tell you my feelings--if you don't return them, that's fine. And yes, I am gay--I've been gay for you since we met."

He shuddered in disgust.

"Oh my fuck you're sick, you know that?" He stood up, as if repulsed by Claude's very presence. "Get the hell out of here, before I catch your faggotry."

Now that he thought about it, he did wonder where Hayden went. He also wondered if Faith was really forcing him into a dress.

He took another sip of his beer.

"Something wrong because I like penis?" he asked bluntly.

He made a face.

"I'm serious, get out or I'll call the cops on you for being a fag!" He shouted angrily. "I can't stand your kind."

"Why?" he asked patiently, unimpressed. "We ever done anything to you?"

"Uh, be disgusting and a sin against fucking nature? Not to mention God. Jesus, what are you, fucktarded?" He snorted. "Now get out. I'm serious about calling the cops, you know!"

He crossed his arms. What to do about Claude. Unless he was useful, he was just another uneventful person in Frederich's day.

Claude levitated the beer can in his hand; whenever he felt irritated, he used his powers. It always seemed to help him calm down. And right now, this Frederich was nothing like the one from his memories. Maybe it had all been just a fabrication.

"You..." He said aloud, before he realized he wasn't being very 'Ricky' like at all. "You're like me! Whoa, man, are you serious?!"

Excited, he leaned in closer.

"Jesus man, you ARE! You're like me! You're a motherfuckin' psychic, right?!" He grinned at Claude.

Oh, never mind. Claude's entire sexuality could be forgiven, if he just made use of his powers for Frederich.

"No," he said, dropping the beer can into his hand. "I'm a gay guy."

"Who cares?!" He shouted, nearly jumping up and down. "Dude, forget about that shit I said, you're cool again! All is forgiven, huh?? I can see ghosts man, motherfuckin' ghosts! PLEASE tell me you can to!"

"Please calm down," he sighed. "I don't want your forgiveness, I want to know your feelings. And about you, and your life--do you have a girlfriend?"

"No, no! Women are for sex, not partnership. Duh, obviously you know that, you're a fag. I mean, gay. Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "But you can see ghosts, right? Right?!"

"Well, yeah," he said, shrugging. "I make money talking to spirits and performing exorcisms--how do you know about that? And more importantly, are you gay too, then?"