Start of Something New

"Yes!" He said immediately, but actually not because he was eager, but because he was eager to delay the actual sex at this point.

"Okay. We can have sex as soon as I'm done, okay?" he said, smiling. Taking a deep breath, he began to kiss Blair's stomach, trying to imitate what has been done to him. When he finally reached the area he was aiming for, he kissed, then licked the tip cautiously, watching Blair's reactions. To his surprise, the taste wasn't horrible; just kind of salty.

He began to lick him more vigorously, wanting it to feel as good as possible.

Blair covered his mouth, averting his eyes. He was used to pretending to be "manly" during this part of sex, for his girlfriends. So they wouldn't think he was some sort of fag who imagined them as dudes. He tried to stay quiet, but he began to pant not long after Yuri had started. Soon, he would begin to moan as well.

Encouraged by Blair's reaction, he eagerly took almost all of him into his mouth, sucking purposefully. He really wanted to do a good job; Blair seemed apprehensive about sleeping with him now, and it had probably been something weird he had done. He had to make up for it.

Unable to hide his sounds anymore, Blair became rather loud, which was embarrassing to him, but he just couldn't help it. This had been something he had wanted for years.

Blushing at the sound, he sucked even harder, stroking the base with his hand. He wondered how good it felt; judging from the noise Blair was making, he was doing excellent. The thought made him happy; maybe now Blair would want sex again.

He moaned even louder, and once or twice, he quietly moaned Yuri's name. He didn't mean to, but women loved when he moaned their named, so it was more of a habit, really.

Yuri stopped shortly after that, blushing profusely. Should he have done that for Blair? Maybe that was his mistake.

"I don't really know how to say this," he began awkwardly, "But you should finish inside of me, right? I'll grab the lubricant."

Blair nodded, panting heavily. He swore, sex was a better work out than P90X. He watched Yuri, still somewhat hesitant about the entire ordeal. He really wasn't sure exactly what he was doing, which made him more hesitant.

He awkwardly rubbed lubricant onto Blair's penis, trying to make sure he got most of it. Then he paused awkwardly, unsure of how to phrase his request.

"I, um...you should probably...I need help, putting this on. Would you?"

Blair took the bottle from him.

"Lay down, then." He replied, unable to hide his smile. He was so cute.

He awkwardly laid down on his stomach, with his butt slightly raised. He bit his lip; he hoped it wouldn't hurt.

He kissed Yuri on the back, before he squeezed some lubricant onto his hands, and extremely gently went to work on readying Yuri. He honestly had no idea what it felt like, which is why he was sure to be extra gentle.

He gasped, more from surprise than pain; it was actually enjoyable.

"Please hurry," he said quietly, not wanting to sound too eager.

Blair was surprised, too; he had kind of hoped that Yuri would back down at this stage. Looks like he was in it for the long haul, much as he didn't want to be. He finished preparing Yuri, trying to prolong it as long as possible without looking suspicious.

But once it was done, there was only one thing left to do.

-x-

Yuri sat at home, eating chocolates. Gwen Stefani blared from his speakers, and he found himself smiling; Blair was coming over today. His texts had said there was something urgent they needed to talk about; secretly, Yuri hoped he was going to ask him out officially. It was the day before New Years, after all; it made sense.

When the doorbell rang, he sprinted down the stairs, adjusting his hair before he answered the door--he didn't want to look to eager to see him, after all.

Blair stood outside, drenching wet. It had begun to pour rain as he walked over, which was somehow extremely fitting. He slicked back his slowly growing out hair, looking down at Yuri.

He had been planning this for weeks. Kyle, along with his other friends, were beginning to get too suspicious. He couldn't sacrifice his social life, no matter how badly he wanted to. He would do almost anything for Yuri...but just not that. It was too much to ask for.

Today was the day he was going to convince Yuri that it had all been a lie. A practical joke. An experiment. He had been using him. That was all it had been. He had it all planned out. He was good enough actor, it would be easy. It would be easy, or so he thought.

Yuri smiled, giggling at Blair's appearance.

"Did you forget an umbrella? It's okay--you left your pajamas here last time, you can wear them and dry off." He grabbed Blair's hand, pulling him inside.

"Come on--Mom and Dad are gone for the weekend, and I bought a new box of condoms. We can do whatever you want."

Blair retracted his hand the moment he stepped inside, not bothering to take off his jacket or anything.

"You shouldn't have." He replied simply, still not smiling. "Because they're not going to get used."

He didn't set his jacket down, and he refused to budge from the doorway. No, he wanted to be able to leave as soon as possible. He had to get this over with, already.

"Yuri, I don't think you've realized this yet, and I can't believe how you haven't because it's been really obvious, but I don't like you." He said bluntly, crossing his arms. He wore something akin to a sneer, but he wasn't smiling enough. "I never liked you. I only pretended to like you, because you had something offer me. You don't mean anything to me more than that. I specifically chose you for my little experiment, because I know that you can't tell anyone about anything we've done. No one would listen to you long enough, and even if they did, no one would believe you. Besides, senior year's almost over, no one cares about idle gossip, they just want to finish school.

"Ever since I first approached you, I was only nice to you because I intended to fuck you from the start." He paused, to swallow back the emotion welling in his throat. If he didn't deliver this exactly right, Yuri would realize he was faking it, and he couldn't have that. "And my plan worked, obviously. You're a weird kid, a loser. Of course you'd do anything to sleep with the most attractive person in the school."

He grinned now, that fake condescending grin he used whenever he was with his friends. "You aren't even my type. You're scrawny, and plain and boring. You're not even fun to be around. I don't know why I even stuck around as long as I did. You're not even a good fuck.

"Oh, speaking of that, I forgot to tell you, I'm not actually gay. You know, after sleeping with you so many times, I realized that women are just better. They might be bitchy, but at least they have morals. You slept with me and we weren't even dating. You were just so eager to sleep with someone, you didn't care who they were, did you?"

He laughed, a cold, terrible laugh.

"I hope you enjoyed our little 'friendship' because you should have known there was really only one way it would end; and this is it. Because no one would ever want to be friends with you."

He paused, then added, "oh and keep the pajamas. As a reminder of how pathetic you are."

He blinked, unable to process the words for a minute. Then his smile completely faded.

"...Blair, this really isn't a funny joke," he said, awkwardly hanging his head. This was like his worst nightmares, only infinitely more painful. Not Blair. Anyone but him.

"Blair, please don't make jokes like this," he repeated when he got no reply. "It's really not funny--I don't like it at all. It's actually kinda sick. I get this enough at school. Come on, it's the break, let's just go upstairs and we can have sex and watch a movie like we always do and then you can make something for us to eat. You love when we just hang out together like that, right? You told me so.

"Come on, let's just go upstairs and dry you off." His voice started to tremble, but he struggled to remain calm. If this was a joke, it was the least funny thing he had ever heard.

Blair grabbed Yuri by the collar and shoved him into the wall.

"Are you fucking retarded?!" He shouted, but his anger wasn't directed at Yuri at all. "Didn't you hear a thing I just said? You're nothing to me. I've been using you this whole time, and it was fucking easy, too. You were so desperate and lonely you'd trust anyone. You think someone like me, someone who is going to go somewhere and be someone in his life, could ever give a fuck about you?"

He had prepared himself for everything, but he hadn't prepared himself for how much it just ached. It was just a raw, terrible throbbing. It felt like he had removed the skin from his heart, but it still had to beat, causing a stinging, raw pain every few seconds. But it was so much worse than that. He wasn't just tearing the skin from his heart, because he was completely destroying the life of someone else as he destroyed his own. The only thing that had kept him same throughout high school had been Yuri, and now he was violently ripping the skin from his heart, too.

He just stared at Yuri, unsure if he could handle the reaction he would get; no matter what it was, it was bound to be too terrible to handle.

Yuri let the tears flow, not bothering to stop them. After a moment, he looked up, and began to laugh.

"...I know, Blair," he said quietly. "I know. And I get it, okay? I get that you were using me--it makes sense, and I always knew." He paused to wipe away the tears.

"And you know what? It's fine, because I wanted to be used, okay? You're right. I let you use me--I wanted it." He gripped Blair's shirt with both hands. "You just happened to be the only person who would do even that, so I let you.

"And you know what else? I was using you too. Experimenting was fun, Blair--I got to remember what it was like to have a friend, even a fake one. And you know what? I still prefer my dolls." He laughed again; not even his words could match the pure misery contained within the sound.

"You can even fuck me again if you want, Blair--I'm an unfeeling slut, so it's fine. There's a reason I don't have friends...you just finally found it, is all.

"Go on, use me again." He yanked on his shirt, forcing Blair to meet his eyes. "You and I are the two biggest liars I know, so why not? The truth doesn't change anything."

He sneered, shoving Yuri onto the floor. He almost kicked him, but he couldn't bring himself to. He couldn't purposefully hurt him that badly. He just couldn't.

"It changes everything, you stupid bitch." He replied, turning for the door. He had to get out of there. "I don't feel like seeing you anymore, so I'm not going to. I started this pathetic excuse for a relationship, and now I'm ending it. That's all there is to it. Stop your sniveling and accept it."

He turned the doorknob, opening the door and listening to the rain. He couldn't force himself to leave, though. He was terrified. If he left now, he knew he would just stand outside and hope he drowned. He would go home and sit on the lawn and wait and hope that the world would flood and he wouldn't have to lift a finger in order to die.

"If you thought this was a relationship, I'm sorry," he chuckled, shrugging. "Someone like me can't even remember what friendship feels like--all of this was fake. Do I seem that pathetic to you?

"Go on, hurt me if it'll make you feel better. Do it. I dare you."

"No!" He shouted angrily. "Shut the fuck up! You just...you don't get anything! You're not even worth the effort, that's how little you mean to me!"

Finally, he mustered up the courage to leave. He slammed the door behind him, but the second it was closed he burst out sobbing. He jogged all the way home, but he fell at least twice. It was hard to walk, let alone run, when you're sobbing grossly and unable to see straight.

When he got home, he already knew what he was planning to do. It had been his plan all along. He wanted a clean break with Yuri, and then he could kill himself. If he acted like such a douchebag that even Yuri hated him, then he wouldn't be sad when he died. He didn't give a damn about if everyone else was sad, just if Yuri was sad.