Neither One Of Them Is Very Priestly

He nodded, patting Mars on the head. "Yes, exactly--it's very useful for subduing demons for long enough to chat, you know? Which I feel we may need to do. Plus, it's great for fending off surprise attacks, right?" He chuckled, patting him on the back for a second too long.

"It's nice to meet a fellow hunter up here--I have to say, I wasn't expecting it. But I suppose we're all over, right?"

"I...I'm not actually a hunter," he admitted. "I...I'm mostly a hunter, though. I know what I'm doing, but I don't have any experience."

He tried to look tough despite that.

"But I'm sure I'll do fine; I'm really in shape and I eat well."

He chuckled.

"Close enough for me--I'm still plenty thrilled. Watch my back, will you? Let's find this thing!"

"Well, there's a shed in the back that could hide someone, and there's also a treehouse behind the cemetery a few feet." Mars stated. "There are also a few open graves near the fence line, so watch your feet."

Priestly laughed. "Open graves? That seems a little negligent. But no matter--I say we check the shed first, don't you?" He grabbed Mars's hand. "Please lead the way!"

Mars just stared at their hands, before yanking his away. He almost mentioned something, before biting his tongue on the matter. If this man was taking him with him, it was probably best to keep the name-calling to a minimum. He headed towards the shed, which would be full of bats at this time of year, no doubt.

He stepped over a few open graves on his way, until they made it to the back of the cemetery, where the shed lay. It was sall and rundown, with a large cross on the top.

"You first or me?" he asked, grinning.

Mars just rolled his eyes and reached for the door, opening it cautiously. As he expected, quite a few bats made a ruckus as he opened the door. What he did not expect, however, was for a man to come screaming out after the bats did. He didn't make it very far, though; he ended up falling into an open grave about three feet away.

He just sort of stared, completely taken by surprise. Really?

Priestly laughed, placing his hands on his hips.

"Wow! I wasn't expecting this at all! Marsy, use some of the water, would you?"

Mars kneeled by the grave, looking down into it. He opened the bottle and poured the water straight onto the forehead of the pitiful man in the hole. Not that it mattered much; demon or no, he wasn't gonna climb out of that grave without some help. Predictably, the man screeched in agony. Mars looked around, hoping no one would notice. Though it did cause him to stop pouring water onto the man.

"Be quiet!" He snapped angrily, throwing the cap down at the man. It hit him in the chest.

"OH, YEAH, I'M GONNA BE QUIET WHILE YOU POUR FUCKING HOLY WATER ON ME!!" Shouted the man back.

Priestly leaned down, beaming at him.

"Hello!" he called brightly. "My name is Father Priestly--you may call me Priestly. I was hoping we could have a chat!"

"FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE!" Screamed the former priest. His hair was curly, slicked back and his outfit was torn up, showing off his rather attractive older man body. "The fuck kind of person just fuckin' pours holy water on a dude's fuckin' forehead?! Yeah, I'm talking to you, you stupid punk!"

The man threw the cap back at Mars, though he missed because he's in a hole for God's sake.

"And you, Father Suck-My-Dick, you better back the fuck up before I wreck your shot, because listen to me, I am a fucking demon and a damned good one, too, I eat stupid asshole priests like you for breakfast, cockbreath!"

Mars covered his ears, frowning. This guy was so annoying! He poured more holy water on him just to shut him the hell up.

"STOP DOING THAT, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" He screamed, but Mars was just happy he had stopped talking, for the most part. "YOU ASSFUCKS! FINE, I'LL GIVE YOU MY FUCKIN' NAME!!"

Mars stopped pouring water on him, though he was completely unimpressed. Were all demons this terrible? The one who had killed his family seemed less terrible, somehow.

"Yo, yo, yo, the name's Bo, you faggots --"

Thus, Mars began to pour water on him again, screaming, "I'M NOT A FAGGOT, YOU FAGGOT!!"

Maybe Priestly shouldn't have trusted it with him after all.

Priestly snatched the holy water, giving Mars a concerned look.

"...Ahem. Mister Bo, is it? That sure is a hot bod you're possessing. Care to tell me why?"

"Yeah, sure," He started to say, before the full details of what Priestly had said sunk in.

In unison, both he and Mars went, "wait, what?" and proceeded to stare at him awkwardly.

Bo spoke again before Mars had a chance to say anything, which was probably for the better.

"Uh, sure, well, I figured possessing a priest was a good idea 'cause, hey, the hell kind of demon's gonna mess with a priest, right? Look, I even got him a sweet tat, now his wife's gonna totally know he loves her five-ever, man!"

He ripped more of his clothes so he could reveal the shittiest looking tattoo in the history of tattoos. It was across his chest, and it read, 'Bbz I WILL Luv U 5ever" with some weird squiggly things around it.

"See?!"

He chuckled.

"Yes, I do see--how kind of you. But look, the thing is, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. This man is needed to do the Lord's work, you can't have him. Go somewhere else, and never let me see you ever again."

"What? But I like this body!" Bo replied, crossing his arms. But he sighed heavily. "...fine! I'll give this body up, but you have to do something for me, okay?

"This guy has, like, some really bad problems with his wife, could you at least try to convince her that she's pretty? Then I'll leave, just promise."

"Who is his wife?" he asked. "How do you think I should try convincing her? It's no problem, really, I'd just like a little bit of guidance."

"Just...I don't know." Bo replied, tapping his chin. "I dunno what to do with her. Neither does Father here, we're both stumped. Hey, why don't you get the blond fag to do her hair for her? His is so feminine, I bet he can help her."

Mars glared down at the man, though he refrained from pouring water onto him, only because he wasn't holding it anymore.

"Oh, right, his wife's Gloria, she works with the children during Sunday School."

"I can convince her she's beautiful, no sweat!" he said with absolute confidence. "Pack your bags, my friend--Marsy, come along. We have a lovely lady's day to brighten."

Mars stood up again, but he frowned.

"But, shouldn't you exorcise him first? I don't think he's going to leave like he promised, he's a demon." He insisted, glancing down at the man in the hole.

"He'll be fine," he insisted, waving his hand. "But if you really feel uncomfortable, you can stay here and watch him."

"...Are you sure you can deal with the wife by yourself?" He asked, still glaring at Bo. "I can go with you. I had a sister; convincing a woman she's pretty is hard, you know?"

He looked uneasy, though, at the thought of leaving Bo alone.

"No, I had better go along with you..." He said, still uneasy.

He laughed. "Convincing a woman she's pretty? Why, it doesn't take more than a little thought and some sweet words~ I do it all the time. I'm somewhat of a pro, in fact."

"You know what? Why don't I go, then you can stay here." He offered, smiling at his solution. "It'll be perfect. You keep Bo company, I'll be right back!"

"No, no, no," he insisted. "I made a deal--now I must keep it. That's what a man does, Marsy." He winked in the cheesiest way possible.