A Fairly Emo Reboot

"...You're healthy, right?" he asked suddenly, not caring if he sounded strange. He knew right then that he needed to know. The kiss had been so pleasant and yet so draining and cold, like a dream turned into a nightmare.

"Uh, excuse me?" He asked, crossing his arms. "Of course I'm fuckin' healthy, what sort of bullshit question is that?"

"Your aura is strange," he said bluntly. "It's unsettling."

"So are you, who cares? You promised, stop making up dumb lies to get out of it." He replied, crossing his arms.

"This is serious, Frederich," he said. "I'm never wrong--this could be a parasite, or a curse, or some kind of malevolent wraith trying to send a message, but it's something."

He stood up, placing a hand on Frederich's shoulder.

"I'll join you, but we need to trust each other. So trust me when I say it's important yo tell me what's wrong."

He groaned.

"I hadn't planned on telling you, but I guess now the cat's out of the bag, huh?" He sighed heavily, moving his hair out of his face so he could show Claude his eye.

"...I'm cursed."

He breathed a small sigh of relief before doing his best to look shocked. This he could handle.

"I'll help you," he said, lightly touching Frederich's cheek. "Of course I'll help. I love you, Frederich--I've loved you for a long time. It's a love that kept me tied to this world, so I'll use it to return the favor."

"...You can't." He replied bluntly, for once. "You can't remove it. I can't, you can't, no one can but the man who cursed me. I've already tried. I've had other people try. It's not worth you trying, too."

He hadn't wanted to tell Claude, and now he was somewhat angry about it. He didn't have much to say if Claude got suspicious again. He supposed the curse would last long enough to make up for it, though. Hopefully it would be a while before Claude thought anything was off.

He kissed Frederich above the eye, smiling faintly. What a perfect way to prove his usefulness.

"We'll cure you Frederich--it'll only take time. I promise." He patted him on the shoulder.

"Of course, there's a problem if we partner up--I can't exactly just pack my things. There's someone you have to convince."

"...There is? The fuck didn't you say so before?!" He snapped, groaning loudly. "Augh, who is it?"

"My sister," he said, smiling sheepishly. "We run our business together. Sigrid will be...unhappy, if I just leave. I'm all she's got." He toyed with the feather on his earring. "I suggest you talk to her if you want me to stay--we're only in this town because I insisted."

"...You're afraid of your sister?" He asked, laughing. "What a pussy."

He shook his head.

"Me? No, not at all. It's just, you probably should be. You'll see what I mean when you meet her."

He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, right. Where is she?"

"In the van," he said, reaching for his jacket again. "Come on, I'll take you to her--it's not too far."

He stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, whatever. Just hurry up and get it over with."

-x-

Claude gestured to the large purple van, patting it affectionately on the side.

"This is home--Sigrid should be inside. Are you ready? I'd hate for you to be destroyed so soon." He chuckled softly. "I want to stay with you for a long time, now that I've found you, so you have to promise not to die."

"...You are disgusting." He replied, wrinkling his nose. "Oh my god, ew. Just...bring her out here."

"But that's dangerous," he said. "She'll be calmer if we go inside."

He facepalmed.

"Fine!! Just get it over with, I'm not even afraid of your psycho sister."

Claude pulled Frederich inside, glancing around the enclosed space.

"Sigrid? I brought a friend."

A woman illuminated only by the glow of her laptop looked up from her typing; the light outlined a particularly large set of breasts. They seemed to be actively fighting the restrictive fabric of her sweater-vest.

"A friend? Claudie, you don't have friends. If it's another stupid girl, I'll knock her teeth out."

"No, no, it's a man," he insisted softly. "Come outside and meet him--it's too cramped in here. Why are all your books in the way? Pick them up later."

She sighed, adjusting her hair self-consciously.

"...S-sorry, Claudie...I'll be out."

Claude ushered Frederich back out of the van, shrugging apologetically as his sister emerged.

"I'm sorry--I thought it'd be cleaner. Sigrid, this is my new friend Frederich--I've told you about him. We're going to become lovers."

"WHAT?!" screamed Sigrid shrilly. As she violently threw the book she was holding onto the ground, Claude whispered in Frederich's ear.

"Play along," he muttered, "or she'll never get off your case."

He smiled, a forced smile even for him. He already despised the woman and he'd only known her for all of three seconds.

"Yeah, well, hello." He waved slightly. "I'm Frederich, like Claude said, we're, uh, gonna be partners now."

"I will fucking rip your neck out!" she screamed. "What the fuck makes you think you're good enough for Claudie?! Do you have any idea wha--"

"Sigrid! Enough," said Claude, slipping an arm around Frederich's waist. "We're going to be lovers, and you're going to be nice, or I'll never speak to you again. Is that clear?"

She pouted, turning to glare at Frederich.

"No, really, who the hell are you?" she growled. "I bet you have no idea who you're dealing with--no idea. I doubt you even read."

He turned to Claude.

"She said yes, can I leave now? She's not my fuckin' problem." He deadpanned, wanting to get away from the shrew as quickly as possible.

Sigrid promptly punched Frederich in the face; Claude stared in surprise. He hadn't expected her to go that far.

"Sigrid!" he exclaimed; she crossed her arms over her voluminous chest, fuming.

"That fuckbag deserved it--he's not good enough for you, Claudie!"