One and Two Walk Into a Bar

She just glared.

"My virginity is a prize for no one--certainly not an idiot like you. I have no desire to be close to anyone."

"Why not? It'd be fuuun~" He said, still pathetically hiding behind his bin.

She shot at the bin again.

"I don't give a shit!! I'm not living for fun."

"Of course you are! Why else would you be living?"

She glared.

"I'm living to do what I want and destroy this useless world. Isn't that enough?"

"So, you should fuck me, because I know you totally want to." He said happily.

She pocketed her gun, groaning loudly.

"You're a fucking waste of bullets, you know that? Get out of here before I slice you in half--I mean it."

Slowly, Bifrost left the safety of his bin.

"So, we're gonna fuck now, right?"

She withdrew her sword.

"Get. Lost."

He grinned.

"Ooh, are we gonna fight first? Foreplay like that is awesome."

Irritated, One turned away.

"I don't have time to deal with you--any minute, cops are gonna show up."

"Let me come with you, then!" He said cheerily.

"I ride a motorcycle, dumbfuck!" she called, already dashing out of the alley.

He followed after her.

"I can sit behind you! And cuddle up to you!"

"You're disgusting!" she shouted, turning a corner and hopping onto her waiting bike.

"But I love you! Baby, come back!" He called after her.

"I hope I never see you again!" she called, starting her bike.

"I'll follow you for forever!" He shouted after her.

-x-

Exactly two weeks later, One was laying on a blanket underneath the stars. The hike to get to this point was worth it; from atop this mountain, the city lights no longer blocked out the sky.

She sighed happily; alone time was the only thing she could really enjoy, these days.

Of course, she wasn't alone for much longer.

"One! My dear Number One~" A familiar voice called. "I brought us food!"

She jumped to her feet, gun and sword at the ready.

"Who the fuck is it?! I'll lop off your dick, cuntbag!"

He offered her a plate, which held deliciously strange futuristic food.

"It's your favorite. right~?"

"...It's poisoned, isn't it?" she spat.

"I would never poison you!" He exclaimed, looking fakely hurt.

"Either way, I'm not touching that shit," she said simply, still aiming her gun at his chest. "What do you want?"