One and Two Walk Into a Bar

"Your love." He said dreamily. "I also wanna fuck."

She shot at the ground in front of him, almost singing his shoe.

"You're not getting either ever, so leave me the fuck alone!!"

"Never~" He said happily. "I'll try for as long as it takes, my love~"

She groaned, laying on the ground again.

"Whatever; just, if you get too close, you're dead."

He plopped down next to her, then laid down himself.

"Wow, the stars are pretty~ Just not as pretty as you."

"They're also less willing to rip off your dick," she replied icily.

He giggled.

"But that's half the reason I love you!"

One cast him a mildly repulsed glance.

"...Did your mother drop you on your head as a baby, or something?"

"You're so fiery and you get worked up so easily~" He sighed dreamily. "I can't wait to fuck you."

She punched him in the face.

"That'll never happen, because I fucking hate you."

"Ow, my nooose~" He complained. "It was sexy, but my nooose..."

"How haven't you died yet?" she asked, honestly dumbfounded.

"I don't know. I'm a synthetic, so I don't really care if I die or not."

"Would you like if I killed you," she said, spitting in his direction. "It'd probably be better for both of us."

"But I'd just come back and follow you again~" He purred. "All the way to the ends of the planet."

"You'd remember?" she laughed.

He frowned.

"Well, of course. I think."

"I doubt it," she said simply. "You know, you really shouldn't be following me--do you even know who I am?"

"Nope." He said blissfully. "You never told me your name."

"Let me give you a hint," she whispered menacingly. "Number One Most Wanted. Do you get it, now?"

He nodded.

"You're number one...In my heart~" He cooed.

She bopped him in the head.

"No, you retard!! I'm number one on the list of most wanted people in the world! You killed the wrong guy in that bar, dipshit."

"No way, that's impossible." He said insistently. "I'm totally number one now."

She rolled her eyes.

"What will it take to get it through your thick skull?"

"You have to fuck me." He said pleasantly.